Being a jordan (𝘉𝘬.2)

33: depression

I went back home and was scared to face Michael cuz he gonna think I actually did it, i sighed before opening the door, I hear the babies babbles and screams and Michael's voice. I avoid going to the room and went to our room, I sighed. I sit on the floor and brought my legs to my chest, akyra waddles in saying mama as she waddles to me before falling, she smiled crawling to my leg holding her toy, I smiled a little before it dropped. "Akyra where you go?" Michael calls he walks over to the room before seeing me, "muma mummmm," akyra hums.

I hold her, "I didn't do it," I mumbled.

I stood up, holding akyra the door bell rings and I go to get it, it was my dad "dad?" He sighed "I need to talk to you," he says "come in," I said moving to the side, "where are the kids?" He asks "upstairs," I said. "Yo Michael!" My dad calls Michael's comes downstairs with berlin and bakari, "heyy what's goin on pops," he greets "hey champ, none much I just need to talk to both of you," he says.

"Alright let me go get jakari real quick," Michael runs upstairs to go get him "what's going on?" I ask "umm, I don't know how to tell you this, you're sister already know but I just need to talk to you two," he said Michael comes back down and sits on the couch, "i need to tell you.. that im not going to have much longer," my heart sank "what?" My face frowned "what do you mean?" Michael asks "im not going to have much time to live and I also came here to tell you this," I begin to cry "whatever you two got going whether it's the baby or anything hash it out! And I mean now! I'm not playin with the both of you, you almost lost your life that night aniya, he wasn't goin to see you again after what happened, life's to damn short for y'all to be acting like this, you need to talk to him and not ignore him," I got to open my mouth but he stops me.

"No! I don't want to hear it, I known you for all your life and you act like this all the time, stop doing that, that's how people loose their marriage, y'all gotta get this right, I'm almost 76 years old and I have done some wrongs that I haven't got right and that still stuck with me, so.. from a person of experience get-it-together," he said with a serious tone, I gulped looking down. "That child is a blessing, I see you got four babies but you don't realize people have more and you think that's hard oh you haven't seen hard, you even said you wanted five kids," my dad says "yea but not right now," I said.

"And what if God told you you're going to have that baby now," he asks.

"Some people aren't lucky, to have a child they have to go through eggs and eggs, surrogates to surrogates just to get a baby," he tells me I sighed.

Later on

I stared at my stomach in the mirror, mixed feelings about it, I don't want it. I have future ahead of me then having a baby, Michael came in with bakari crying "she's hungry," he said I take him before sitting on the bed to breastfeed him "I'm sorry," he said I look up at him "it's fine," was all I said. I burp bakari while Michael left the room.

4 days later

After three performances I have done I'm stressed, I'm trying to deal with my pregnancy hormones but i can't even do it anymore, just the thought of abortion still came in my head, I'm really trying to ignore this so bad but it's hard. My belly was poking out a bit the public doesn't know and I don't want them to. "Hey uh Kendall, I think I want to do it," I say to her "do what?" She asks "get the abortion," I said "WHAT?!" She blurted out "why would you want to get an abortion for?" She asked I sighed "look it's complicated," I said "so you're gonna get rid of the baby for no reason, what the fuck aniya, you're not even giving me a valid reason," she said.

"Look look I don't got time for any questions just come get me," I huffed.

I walked downstairs "imma take akyra with me," I said to Michael "aight, where you going?" He asks "with my sister," I said I pick her up. My sister honks her horn as I come outside "you look like you committed murder and tryna get away," she comments "shut up" she shakes her head I get in the car. "You sure you want to do this aniya?" She asks "yes" I said "did you even talk to Michael about this?" She asks I huff "I don't need his validation it's my body Kendall," I said.

"But you should tell him aniya! He's your gawdamn husband and it's his child to, I get it it's your body but you gotta be so cold for that," I look at her in disbelief, my own sister is disagreeing with me?! "It's really none of your business kendall," I said "well it is when I'm over here driving you to a damn abortion clinic, you better hope no paparazzi catch you here," She huffs pulling in put shades and hoodie over my head, I give akyra to her and got out. Sitting on the chair I grew nervous again but this time this voice in my head was telling me to do it, my doctor soon comes in "alright mrs. Jordan are you ready?" She asks me I nodded.

"Okay we're gonna have lie down so we can begin," she told me.

After a while the deed was done, I felt a little week but I'm fine. I grabbed my bag and phone to notice 20 missed calls from Michael making my heart sank, I leave meeting up with Kendall "aniya come on Michael is having a fuss wondering where we are," she said I got in the head akyra "did you-did you really do it?" She asks I looked down then nodded, she shakes her head before driving off, what am I even going to tell Michael? Now I'm really getting into some deep water.

Once she got to me driveway I was afraid, I get out grabbing my purse and akyra. I hands were shaking in fear and panic akyra fell asleep on my shoulder. I struggle to open the door so I just ranges it. Michael comes downstairs checking the door before opening it "where were y'all? I've been tryna call you," he asks "sorry I didn't have my phone with me," I kiss his cheek. "You okay you're walking kinda funny?" He asks I nodded "I'm getting cramps in my legs," he nodded. I'm so nervous now, I just got an abortion that only my sister knew of and now I'm really just scared because this is more worse then I thought.

25 minutes later

I playing with my wedding ring bitting my lip, Michael comes in before wrapping his arms around me, I tense as he kissed the top of my head "I'm sorry" he whispered my lips quivered as I look up in the mirror,now I really regret it, I'm really am cold hearted he rubs my arm I begin to break down into his arms.

What have I done?