STAY WITH ME ; ni-ki

CHAPTER 23

"I-i don't know what y-you're talking about. "

Riki immediately left the counter after placing the money on top and made his way outside the cafe.

His heart is beating rapidly as if it'll about to burst out of his chest as his hand started shaking. Intense guilt crawling back to him.

It's true. He remember well the date Jake told him. The day of your death. Because it's also the same date he killed the person who have murdered his father. At that same exact location. And he also remembers well that there is someone innocent who got involved because of his stupidness and recklessness.

But he didn't know that the innocent person was her. And he didn't know she didn't survive.

And it dawned to him again. He killed her. He took a very sweet lovely innocent life out of this world just because of his selfishness. Just because he wanted revenge.

A stray tear rolled down his cheek once his eyes caught the spirit waiting him outside which he immediately dried before Amber could even notice it.

The latter smiled upon seeing him. "Let's go? " she asked in which Riki answered with a faint nod.

The walk from the shop to the house is silent. And both of them are aware of the tension between them.

Amber wasn't sure what happened back at the cafe or the meeting with his friend but she's certain something is wrong.

When the ravenette came back earlier from meeting a friend, Riki have been.... Silent? Not the usual silent but it's a strange one. It's like he's there but he isn't.

Sure he'd smile at her, hold her hand and talk to her but you can feel that all of those are force.

That's why as soon as they arrived at their house, Amber immediately hugged hin which earned a surprise reaction from the ravenette. Though nonetheless, Rikk hugged her back.

Tightly.

"Are you okay? " the spirit asked, patting his back.

Riki hummed as an answer.

The truth is, Riki is not okay. He's far from okay.

He is drowning in guilt and it's suffocating. He's angry and frustrated to himself. He regrets being selfish that day.

If only he could turn back time and change his actions, he would. But he knew that wouldn't happen because this is reality and not any fantasy shit where you could turn back time. No, this is real life.

All he can do is suck it up and live for it. He deserves to feel this way anyway.

"You're special to me, Riki. And know that whatever happens, I'm always here for you. I won't leave you. "

Riki looked up to prevent the tears from rolling down his cheek as he bit his lips to not let out a sob.

He doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve her. He doesn't deserve being treated this way. But as selfish as it sounds, he wanted it. He wanted being treated this way by the spirit. He wanted her care, her worry.... Her love.

And he didn't want to tell her. He didn't want the spirit to know that the reason why she's dead and stuck in this world by being a mere spirit, is because of him. He doesn't want her to despise him, to stain the wonderful image of him to her. Because just by thinking of it, hurts.

It hurts him.

So damn much.

"I know. " he tightens his hold to her and kisses her temple. "I love you. "

"I love you. "

If it's another circumstances, Riki would jump in happiness by just hearing what the other replied. But instead of being happy to the core, what he felt was the opposite.

He doesn't deserve her love. He doesn't deserve the spirit.

The guilt multiplied and is so intense. Too intense to the point no matter how he looks up or how he bit his lips, tears started streaming down his cheeks as a sob escaped his lips.

I don't deserve you....

But I want you...

"D-do you want to watch a movie? " Riki asked, changing the topic as he let go of the other. Both of them sat down the cushion next to each other.

"As long as it's my favorite movie. " Amber answered causing the ravenette to faint a smile.

"Of course. "

And Riki have decided. He wanted to be selfish again and not tell the other. Because he wanted to keep her by his side.

Forever.