STAY WITH ME ; ni-ki

CHAPTER 24

Riki was determined to not tell Amber. He's determined to not inform the spirit that he was the reason why she's no longer alive.

He tried to be happy and go on with his life like nothing happened. Like he knew nothing.

At first, he was doing great. He was doing fine at pretending. He even hangout with her at the park and read with her in the little library inside the house. He'd smile when their eyes would meet, he'd laugh when she will tell him a funny story.

It was perfect just like before when he was still oblivious by the fact that he have killed her because of his selfishness.

It was.... Perfect.

Perfect if the guilt wasn't there eating him inside out. Every fucking time. Because as much as he wanted to pretend that everything is alright and that it's okay, he couldn't. Because it's crawling back to him.

Maybe karma is a real bitch and fate thought he deserves to feel this way. That's why they made a way for him to meet her and realize how wonderful and lovely she is, to let him see how much of an asshole he is for being selfish and took someone so precious from this world.

The day off that Heeseung gave the ravenette, he spent it all with the spirit. He even started painting her and he's so close in finishing it. Though, he haven't told the other about it because he wanted it to be a surprise.

Sure, Amber's aware that he's painting something but she didn't know it's her he's painting. All she know is that he's painting some scenery.

It was Saturday when Riki asked the spirit if he could see her tombstone. Amber was hesitant at first but after the ravenette telling her that he wanted to see her, and the place where she was buried, the spirit agreed.

Riki thought that maybe after seeing her tombstone, he will have inner peace. That maybe, the guilt would lessen even just tiny bit.

But hell he was wrong.

Because the moment his eyes landed on it, he couldn't help but to break down. It was too much.

The intense guilt came back along with so much regret and it overwhelmed him to the point he literally choke from how suffocating it was.

He didn't find peace.

Amber who was utterly confused didn't know what to do that time. Though she tried her best to comfort him, thinking that he breakdown because he's hurting for her.

That day, both of them stayed there until sunset.

Now, it's Sunday. It's five in the morning, too early for Riki to be awake, staring at the ceiling of his room.

The spirit is somewhere he didn't know, probably in the little library as she's always there if she's not in his room on her usual spot beside the window.

Truth is, Riki couldn't sleep. Actually, since the day he found out about her death, he didn't have a good sleep. His conscience won't let him sleep. Especially after what happened yesterday.

He couldn't sleep. At all.

He have been staring at the ceiling for hours now. He was thinking, contemplating about his decisions.

The reason why Amber is not alive anymore is because of his selfishness. Because of his greed for revenge. And now, he's being selfish again for keeping her away from the truth that she has every right to know.

He loves her.

Too much.

And he just realized it. Sure, he's aware of his feelings but he didn't know he loves her this much. And that made him question his decision.

Was it worth it? Keeping her in the darkness so he could be with her without complications?

The answer is no. It was not and will never be worth it.

That's why he came with the decision to tell the other.

Everything.

If Amber will hate him, then be it. If she doesn't want to be with him anymore after knowing the truth, it's alright. He deserves it anyway.

It was around two in the afternoon when Riki asked the spirit if they can talk which Amber immediately agreed, assuming that the ravenette will open up to her about the things that's troubling him.

Riki chose to talk outside, to the little garden behind the house. Both of them sat down across from each other with their hand clasped and resting on top of the little round table that's separating the two of them.

He inhaled sharply, not knowing how to tell the spirit. So he started with an apology.

"I'm sorry. " He choked, tightening his grip on her hand.

Amber mimicked his action as she also tightened her hold unto his.

"I'm so sorry. " he whispered loud enough for the spirit to hear, tears now streaming down his cheeks.

"Sorry for what? " Amber asked, confused yet worried and sad from the sight of him in front of her.

"I'm such an asshole and don't deserve to live. " It's a miracle that Riki didn't stuttered.

"No you're not. You're the kindest and amazing human I've ever met and don't say that! Everyone deserves to live—"

"Not me! " Riki vigorously shook his head. "I don't deserve it like everyone does. Like you does. "

The sight of the ravenette alone is heartbreaking. Amber didn't know where the other is coming from to suddenly state those words.

"Riki—"

"Because I'm a murderer. " He let out, interrupting her who by now is silent and staring at him with wide eyes.

"No, you're not. I've been by your side—" she once again got interrupted by him.

"I killed you. " He pursed his lips while shaking his head, gaze shifting at their intertwined hands.

"W-what? "

"I-i was the one who killed you. " He repeated faintly, but enough for the spirit to hear.

And just like that, a moment of silence filled them as the spirit's hold started to loose around his.

"I-i'm sorry. I'm so sorry! Please forgive me. " It's a selfish of him to ask for forgiveness but he still did. His eyes lifting up to see her.

And for the first time in years, a stray tear rolled down on Amber's cheek.