dead hearts still beating

our hearts are dead in our chest

the five times bellamy blake was selfish (and the one time he pretended he wasn't)

i.

When Jasper had been injured, his dying moans had shaken the entire camp. In part, Bellamy knew that if the entire camp continued to be shaken by the boy’s cries, he was going to have a problem. It was much easier to keep everyone under control when they were all afraid of him.

So, he had marched right up to the third level of the dropship and informed Princess Clarke that if the kid wasn’t better in a day, he’d kill him himself. And he had meant every word.

He never would’ve guessed that mercy killing would be so damn hard.

As he knelt by Atom’s convulsing body, he knew what he had to do. The boy had even begged for death by that point, but as he clutched the knife tightly in his hand, Bellamy realized that he had no idea where to even start.

Then he heard a twig snapped behind him. Whirling around, his eyes landed on a blonde figure silently watching the scene before her unfold. As she slowly approached him, Bellamy realized with shock that he was grateful that she was there, grateful that he didn’t have to do this alone.

Then she had gently pulled the knife out of his grasp.

He didn’t realize what she was doing right away, but as she started humming and Atom’s body began to shake less violently, it all became clear.

He should have snatched the knife right out of her hands then.

Looking back, he almost felt guilty for making her, a child, (dear God, she couldn’t be older than seventeen) kill Atom. He should’ve been strong, he should’ve allowed her to keep her innocence, grabbed the knife and told her to look away. A girl as young as her shouldn’t have to watch the life drain out of the eyes of a friend. None of those kids should.

But Bellamy Blake was a selfish man. So he let her.

As he watched this innocent girl transform into a chillingly beautiful angel of death, he wondered if he was a coward too.

ii.

            Getting rid of the radio hadn’t been a very hard choice.  When he had a goal in mind, nothing stopped Bellamy Blake. He had left right away and gotten to the pod before anyone else. The sleeping astronaut had never even seen him take the radio, and as he flung it into the river, he was reminded how good it felt to be free.

            Every man for himself. He’d always save his own skin over someone else’s.

            Then the fucking princess had caught up to him.

            He had no idea how she did it, made him feel like he owed the people of the Ark something. They had taken everything from him, and here in this new world, he finally had the chance to take what he wanted. No rules. Whatever the hell he wanted. These kids were lost, and all they needed was a dark, handsome stranger to lead them, to whisper honey-sweet words in their ears, urging them to do his bidding.

But then she came along, with her stupid self-righteous attitude and her integrity. Her sheer honesty and morality seemed to be the only things that could rival his silver tongue and charisma. And he hated her for it. He hated her because he couldn’t lie to her, he didn’t want to lie to her because she never lied to him.

When they found out the radio was as good as gone, she had screamed at him, her eyes lighting up like the stars that burned as they fell through the atmosphere.