THE MARTYR COMPLEX

HOW IT MIGHT'VE ENDED, AKA, HOW I GOT READY TO DIE.

"Forty-seven."

My voice isn't even loud, but it rings across the entire ground. My mouth stings and I realise that I'm bleeding in three places. My left knee releases a white hot pain as I tilt my weight on to it.

I don't flinch. But Barnes, the pyrokinetic villian, who is currently fighting with my Combat Professor, does.

To my right, Sterling and Shadow are fighting three villians at once. If I wasn't scared out of my mind, maybe I'd even be impressed with their strategy. Sterling, with his lightning attacks and Shadow, with his dark camouflage are hitting the three villians after shocking them. Literally.

From my left, the guy attacking Clarisse stops after seeing Barnes flinch and rushes towards me instead. His approach is deterred by Barnes himself who sent out a fire whip to separate us.

"What did you just say?" Barnes asks. At his feet, Professor Riley is incapacitated, his hands snapped at a weird angle. Please let him be unconscious. Please let him be unconscious. Please. Please.

Barnes' voice is rough, like he's been shouting for all of his life. His voice holds the frustration of not being listened to. I hate that I know what it feels like. His mouth is fixed in a scary growl. His forehead is pinched in anger.

But his eyes look scared. Terrified, even. Because of what the what the number means. Forty-seven.

I feign a bravery I do not possess. At this point, all of his lackeys who haven't been struck down move behind him, in a silent vow of solidarity. Perhaps, I think, they see the fear too.

My classmates stand still. They can only look at me in surprise.

I look around Barnes' silhouette. I count again. Forty five white vestiges, one red and one black.

"Forty-seven deaths," I repeat.

Now you've spooked him well enough, Nix.

Cameron's voice in my head is comforting. A sentient gift, despite their staunch refusal to communicate for a decade, has always been a comfort. Nobody ever knew how much not lonely I felt even with the silences.

Cameron had started talking after I joined Westbridge Hero Academy.

"That means absolutely nothing to me. What the fuck do you mean by that?" Barnes sounds aggressive.

I see a vestige shake its head.

"You know exactly what I mean. You count, Barnes. The blood on your hands. It's your medal, isn't it?"

I smile. To fool Barnes, I kid myself. But mostly, it's to trick myself into being brave. I unconsciously put some more of my weight to my left, but I barely notice the searing pain because of the adrenaline.

"You have killed forty-seven people, Barnes, but you only have feelings for two of the murders."

Barnes takes a step back. His brown eyes are wide.

Cameron, I think. Make the vestiges more prominent.

Sure thing, Nix.

I can feel my gift enhance. My eyes get sharp and the vestiges get pronounced. I'm at the end of my stamina. At this point, all I have is my brain.

And my brain is my weapon of choice.

"Your father and your mother," I continue ruthlessly, but the thought that what I'm doing is less cruel than what Barnes is doing is still uninvited. It feels cheap, somehow to equate receiving pain to inflicting it. But I still continue, because it is eight lives I have to save and I'd rather be cruel than a coward now. "One kill so full of hate and anger and the other full of helplessness. One an impulse kill and the other, a mercy kill. Your father and your mother."