Chapter 1: Charlotte Present Day
Song: Adrenaline by Zero 9:36
"Miss, you need to take deep breaths. In for a count of 10, out for a count of 10" The stewardess says beside me, then mimics the breathing technique so I can follow along. I inhale with her slowly, then exhale. Inhale, then exhale. After about 5 cycles I am finally able to unclench my hands from the arm rests and can feel my heart rate coming back to normal. My racing thoughts are settling into a trot, and I am able to rationally and consciously focus my attention on reality.
A freaking panic attack. That is all this is. It is only anxiety causing my heart to accelerate and my lungs to feel too small for my body. I am healthy, I am strong, I am confident, I am brave, I am a conqueror. I chant this over and over until I can regain control over myself. I start to feel the roiling in my stomach subside. With one final long exhale I open up my eyes and look at the stewardess.
"There you go, it's ok. Are you good?" she asks me sincerely and I nod yes. "Can I get you anything, a glass of wine maybe to settle your nerves?" I nod my head again. "Red or white?" She inquires.
"Red please" I answer her and she pats me on the arm. We are only 20 minutes into the flight, and I am already a mess. This is going to be a tough week, but seriously the flight is the easy part, I can't come unglued here, I chastise myself. Grabbing my purse, I rummage through until I find my wallet, and the bottle of valium my therapist prescribed.
I close my eyes and take in a few more deep breaths. I can do this. I am a strong, independent, successful woman. I am a dedicated friend. This week isn't about me, it is about Callie and Mason. My best friend is marrying the love of her life, and I am honored to stand beside her. I can selflessly give Callie a week. I will not falter in my role as Maid of Honor because of HIM. He is the past. He is a closed door behind me.
He is a LARGE PART of my past. 8 years of it. I can't say he won't be in my future; his twin sister is my freaking best friend. I have successfully avoided him for the last 18 months, but there will be events, milestones throughout Callie's life where I will have to interact with Him.
This is just the first.
I can feel my heart rate starting to accelerate again and I focus on breathing in slowly.
The stewardess is back placing my plastic cup of wine on the side table of my first-class seat.
"Nervous flyer?" she asks. Instead of opening up and oversharing with her, I simply nod in confirmation. I am not a nervous flyer. I am only nervous for this trip because it is guaranteed that I will have to interact with the only man I have ever loved for the first time since the break-up. But she doesn't want to know that, she just wants to know that I will be ok, and she won't have to worry about me during the flight.
"It is a very smooth flight from Los Angeles to Maui. We will be there in 5 ½ hours. You are in good hands." She tries to reassure me.
"Thank you" I say again.
This isn't my first flight to Maui. I have spent a good portion of my summers flying out here as a child. My father, Richard Apperton, worked very hard as a young property development investor, starting Apperton Resorts International, with a dream to offer luxury destination vacations to those whose budgets were limited. Inheriting a rundown beach front property in Malibu, California from his grandfather, at 19 years old my dad put his blood, sweat and tears into renovating the dilapidated 12-bedroom beach house on 6 acres, into a beautiful beachfront resort, equipped with private beach access, surfing lessons, riding stables, beachside bonfires, and a beautiful restaurant and bar.
