Almost is Never Enough

Chapter 1

Wanderer

"Time of death 12:00 pm" the doctor said as he approaches the woman in her mid-forties that I think was the mother of the patient. I see how the mother of a patient looks at the doctor with disbelief as she burst into tears.

It pains me to see her cry and scream to her disbelief that she lost whoever inside the operation room. I go near to the woman that holding her chest and almost got weak.

When I try to hold and help her, my hand just penetrated.

It pains me to see her in that kind of situation because even though I didn't know her, I understand how it feels.

Because I also saw that kind of pain in the eyes of my loved ones when they hear from the doctor that I'm gone. When I didn't do my best to fight and stay for them. When I leave them.

I think one of the reasons why I'm still wandering around is because of that guilt, the guilt that I leave them without even saying a proper goodbye.

It's been 5 years since that day happens when I open my eyes thinking I survived it because I can walk, but the moment I try to hold someone my hand just penetrate to them like water, and I just like a breeze of wind to them. The last thing I remember is the day I rushed to the hospital but the reason why that happened seems to be vague in my memory to the point that no matter how hard I try I can't remember how I died.

It's been 5 years but I'm still wandering everywhere and this hospital is my favorite spot, finding the answers to my sudden death, I didn't remember me having a terminal disease. Did I got hit by a car? Struck by thunder? Have a nightmare and died in my sleep?

That's the thing I tried to recall every time I go in this very spot, always waiting for the light that always doesn't want to get me.

When I watch the woman the doctor hugging her to make her calm, I remember the day I saw my loved ones listen to the doctor that will bring pain to them.

"No, that is not true! Let me in, I'm a doctor! I became a doctor so I can take care of her! I will be the one to save her!" Charlie said desperately, the doctor grabbed her shoulders, making him calm and preventing him from entering the operation room.

"I did everything I can Charlie!" the doctor said, the doctor is Charlie's fellow because he once introduces him to me every time I visit Charlie's hospital

" I call you here so you can save and fix her! I beg you, how you can call yourself a doctor?!" he shouted to the doctor, his voice is like a roar of thunder echoing in the corridor, my parents can't make Charlie stop because even them are so weak.

"I am a doctor Charlie, but I'm not God!" the doctor said and I see how bloodshot his eyes become when he saw how desperate Charlie is.

I was surprised to approach him because he didn't seem to feel my presence approaching him.

"I'm here, love" I whisper as I hold his face, but I was surprised when I saw my hand just penetrated like water.

I watch him close his eyes as if he felt I was in front of him trying to hold him, the tears continue to flow from his eyes. I looked at him hoping to meet my eyes to make him realize that I'm just by her side.

But I felt like I am just like a breeze of December wind to him, he never met my gaze. I just look at how hurt he is by what's happening.

"Kali..." he whispers, and tears like a wave on the ocean came from my eyes when I see how drown he is to the pain.

I really am gone? The Kali that walking and looking at her loved one became a spirit.. They will never know that I'm just beside them saying that they should not cry...