Profoundly alone

chapter 2; New life

First day at school. I never thought I'd say these words again. I was sure that Alice would have a great time and that she would stop containing her enthusiasm the minute she would meet anyone.

I never let go of her hand -tightly tied around mine- and at times my other hand would run across her little head in order to make her feel loved. How was I so used to her presence? It was like I knew her forever. But not for a minute did I dare to take her for granted. I was afraid that someone would hurt her or that I wouldn't be able to protect her from an inevitable threat.

Why was being a guardian so hard?

I now would have to deal with more than one kid. One kid was difficult enough. And now I was responsible for ten. My pessimistic thoughts stopped the moment I saw them, waiting. Six little girls and four little boys. Of course, there won't be many of them because of all the moving that happened the last year.

I actually judged some of the families that stayed- for their choice only- but then I couldn't argue as easily. If I ever got a lot of money on my hands, I would do the best for Alice. Maybe take her to another country if she wanted. There was nothing here for us. And I, personally, didn't even think about what I wanted, as it is unreasonable. There was no hope for me, no dreams, no future. At least with my attitude towards all these things.

But Alice. I was positive that her future would be great. Whatever proffesion she would choose, I would help -if needed. And, moreover, she would be like me. Independent. The only thing I admired about my broken self.

Maybe if someone had taken care of me things would be different. But nobody did, so I chose not to care anymore. Alice helped me now. In a unique way. I felt more... alive but still the emptyness couldn't be ignored easily.

And now, my footsteps against the floor felt weird. I was anxious. Instead of showing my emotions, I put on a fake smile and looked in front of me. Ten pair of eyes looked back with a curious gaze.

"Hello" I disguised my voice with a softer tone and I felt Alice's eyes searching my face with curiosity. Like she was asking why I was talking like that. I ignored her.

A few smiles made an appearance on the students' faces and I felt pleased with the result of my greeting.

"My name is Joe K." I never said my true last name. And Alice had taken my fake last name, also. "Your new teacher"

Silence.

"Would anyone like to introduce himself? Herself?" I pressed with excitement -I couldn't tell if it was real this time.

A hand was raised.

"Yes?"

"I am Miranda" a girl said.

"My name is Kris" another kid said.

After finally managing to make them open up and introduce themselves I started making an introduction about our lessons. The subjects will be Math, English and Gym. I knew that some kids would complain about Gym but my intentions were clear. They should know how to run at least. And I could teach them History later or Art. Even though I didn't have much knowledge on the first one.

"All right. Do you have notebooks?" I asked and the answer was obvious. Their backpacks seemed empty. Everyone looked at me blankly and with grief. I had forgotten how kid get easily upset.

"That's fine. You should ask your parents for one each.Oh, and a pen" I nodded for validation to myself.

I looked at Alice that had taken a seat next to a girl, Miranda. She seemed content and she fitted in.