i wish i knew

She wondered why?

The person that Shimon was so attracted to was Rae.

She is a freshman in college and is a hardcore closeted gay. Rae has had some bad experiences over the past few years of her life, her family is a mess since her older sister came out trans. All her life she used to think all of her surroundings are a dream come true and were colorful, alas! That wasn't the case.

Last year just before her exams were on her head, her brother(now) came out. Her parents were devastated by the thought of the fact that they've given birth to an abomination. She on the other hand was always supportive of him. She loved him for who he is and his gender was in no way going to affect her love for her brother. Her brother, Michael, told their parents that this is who he is and they can't do anything to him, he is afterall an adult and left the household of their parents saying, "i don't think you'll ever accept me for who i am so unless you do so never call me back."

Her brother was very good in studies unlike, her and got a job in the US and is as of now there. She decided that she's going to live with her brother in the US as well because it was better so she studied hard and ended up in college.

Rae was also very interested in BLs, GLs and fanfics. She was like one of those Wattpad readers who'd not sleep just to read the lust. She had even masturbated to GLs but is "straight" according to her. That is what she keeps on reminding herself of EVERY SINGLE DAY and if you do it everyday girl you need to straighten things out. She had taken those "what is your sexuality" quizzes and always ended up being straight "forcefully" by choosing the straightest options just to reassure she's straight, which she is not. It is understandable though, her parent's reaction to her brother coming out did traumatize her, how would it not?

1st September

7am the alarm rings

*She had already planned what she had to do a day before, she was so excited to go to college she even ironed her dress, packed her bag and polished her shoes the day before.

She got up, took a bath and freshened up and went to the dinner table because her father is very strict about having food together in the morning and at night. He is so strict that if you don't come to the table by the time, you don't get to eat which also, sort of paved the way to her being so punctual about everything.

She completed her food. Her dad told her to come to the parking lot after she's ready to go and that he'd drop her in college since it's the first day.

She took her belongings and got in the car. Her dad started talking halfway through the ride,

"College is a wonderful but skeptical place. One wrong step and all you've built will go down the Ganges. Be careful, don't talk to people who wear all black clothing or wear too much makeup. They are the dubious ones. Love you."

*She doesn't reply until she reaches the campus

"I'll be careful dad, bye"

As soon as she got on the campus, she couldn't get over the fact that it was so big.

She found her classroom and sat on the fourth bench, looking outside the window she saw this girl running from classroom to classroom trying to find which one's her, she was wearing all black clothing which did remind her of what her dad said but it was also imagining the Wattpad story she was reading on her way, she couldn't help but think of her as some lead of a story.

She saw her come her class and ask in her not so raspy but raspy voice,

"Are y'all freshmen? Fuck where the hell is my class? Ughh"

She couldn't look into her eyes and she wonderedwhy.