Kristin entered the florist shop and went directly to the cashier desk. She didn’t need too much time to think of what kind of flower she wanted.
“Good day, Miss. How can I help you?” the girl behind the desk smile broadly to her.
“I’d like some roses, mix color but please put extra red roses.”
“Sure. Please have a seat while we prepare for it.”
Kristin nodded and sat at one of the chairs. She pulled out her phone and search for some unimportant photos to be deleted from her gallery. Her phone started to ran out of memory and she tried to clean it up from unnecessary photos or applications.
She scroll through her gallery and suddenly stopped when she saw one particular photo.
It was a photo of a beautiful woman in her late fifties. She wore plain shirt, standing next to the dining table, resting her arms on the back of dining chair, smiling to the camera. The grey hair on top of her head and the wrinkle at the corner of her eyes were visible but her smile never change.
That warm smile that always greeted her everyday was captured perfectly in the photo. She missed her.
“Miss, your flower.” The florist girl brought her back from her reverie.
“Oh, thanks.” She said as she paid for the flowers.
Kristin smiled as she looked at the rose bouquet in her hand. She was confident with her choice. She entered her car and drove to her destination.
It didn’t take her long to arrive at her destination. She parked her car and went to meet that special person.
“Hi Ma. How are you today? It’s been awhile.” Her smile never left her lips.
“Look what I brought for you. Your favorite flower. I know you love red rose, but I’ve made sure to enchanted the red roses beauty by mixing it with other roses. I hope you like it.”
She squats and put the bouquet on vase that deliberately kept right next to the tombstone. She gently caress the tombstone and without she realized, a single tear escaped from her eyes. It was then followed by the other tears.
She quickly wiped her tears.
“I shouldn’t cry, right Ma?” she looked up to the bright sky, trying to stop her tears to flow again.
“How long has it been? Hmm…seventeen years. God, it’s been so long. But it’s still so painful whenever I miss you.” She exhaled and sat down.
She has so much to say but didn’t know where to start. Since she was young, she never be able to clearly express herself. Even though she has many siblings, she couldn’t easily share what’s in her mind or heart to them. As the youngest with huge age gap with her siblings, she tend to keep everything for herself.
“Ma, life can be tough, right? When you left, you haven’t teach me enough about life. All these years…I never know I’ll survive until today.”
She paused to wipe her tears, this time she didn’t hold herself anymore. She let the tears ran freely on her cheeks.
“I miss you so much that it hurts. Sometimes, I just feel that everything is too hard for me to handle. Ma, you’re still watching me from above right? Am I doing alright? Do I make you proud?” she was now sobbing uncontrollably.
“I wish I can hear you say that you’re proud of me.” It came out as a whisper.
She let out all of her emotions besides her mother’s tomb. She was letting out all unspeakable words with her tears. She didn’t care of the hot sun that almost burn her skin. She didn’t care when some people were looking at her. She just wanted to be herself. Not pretending to be the strong and happy girl in front of others. She just want to be her mother’s youngest daughter who also can be vulnerable at times and need someone to console and comfort her.
After some times, her sobs were died down and she was calm enough. She looked at the tombstone and smile weakly. She wished to see her smile again. She wished she could embrace her one more time. She wished she could tell her that she loves her so much. She knew it was just her wishes and none of it would came true. That was the reality.
However, spending her time there made her at ease now as if the huge rock was lifted from her heart. It was as if her mother patted her head and told her that everything will be alright, just like she used to tell her. And she knew that everything will be alright. No matter how hard life could be, she knew she will be alright. She wanted her mother to be proud of her and it put courage in her heart.
She stood up and clean her jeans from the grass and dirt.
“I should go home. Pa must be waiting for me. Ma don’t worry. Pa is healthy and I’ll take care of him for you. Bye Ma, see you again. I’ll be sure to bring more red roses for you next time.”
With one last look, Kristin left the cemetery. She was breaking down but she surely return home with new strength in her heart as if she was recharged her energy by visiting her Mother. She was assured that her Mother always watching her from Heaven and always be with her in every situation in her life.
Losing a mother was like we lose a piece of ourselves. But trust your heart that she will always be with you.
“The loss of your mother, no matter how old you are, changes your life forever. Your mother is your first and forever friend. You never really get over the loss, but learn to live with it. She is never far away from your thoughts and she is always in your heart.” – relrules.com
~END~
