"The monster is not the one who hide under your bed or hidden in your closet. Monster is the one that hide in your mind."
My mother never told me about monster under my bed or in my closet. But she never told me either that I have my own monster inside my head.
We all have one.
We all have something that haunt us day and night.
Our pain.
Our heartache.
Our fear.
Our problem.
Our bad memories.
Our insecurities.
Something that very close to us. Something that we never thought that whatever happens in our mind is our own monster lurking, ready to attack us.
The scariest and the biggest monster in my heart is my fear.
Fear of losing someone very dear to me.
Some people said, a father is his daughter's first love. I think lots of people in the world would agree. We look up to our father so much when we were kids. Someone who would always protect us. Someone who would comfort us if we get some good scolding from our mother.
He was and will always be our hero that could beat anything.
But our hero couldn't beat time.
Time consumed us. Including our hero.
He became old. Long gone his sturdy body. He get wrinkle on his skin, his hands and feet were not as strong as before and his back stooped.
Time had no mercy.
All those hidden illness came to the surface. He paralyzed because of stroke. He who once gave us the best advices for each our problem, now lost in his own world because of dementia.
His thin body lay on the bed, couldn't move without help. He looked so fragile as if he could break even with the slightest touch.
It would never be easy to accept the reality but we have no choice.
It was heartbreaking but we have no choice.
Time was the only thing that we have to give the best we can for him.
The monster in me was too hard to beat. But I'll keep facing it daily to keep my heart strong. Because I have to bring my brightest smile whenever I see my father.
What is your monster?
~End~
Author's Note :
Writing is my way to cope with everything in real life. I'm writing this to cope with the battle with my monster, my fear.
