Blue. || Eremin

Part One

"So this is what dying feels like."

"Armin, damn you, don't say that! You're going to be fine."

"Don't play dumb, Eren. If you really thought I was going to be fine, would you be crying so hard? You never cry, even after..." he gestured to the landscape, "these."

The two of them sat in the crumbled shell of a building. Bodies littered the ground all around them, leftovers of a horrifically destructive Titan attack. Most of the bodies belonged to civillians, but a number of them were clad in Survey Corps gear. Did it always have to be like this? Just when the human race had the faintest gleam of hope, it was once again extinguished by the Titans. Amid a wasteland of corpses, Armin sat propped up against a wall with Eren at his side.

"I'm not crying," Eren muttered as he wiped tears from his eyes with a grimy sleeve.

Armin rolled his eyes and a smile tugged at his lips despite the circumstances. "Don't argue, for once in your life. I'm dying, you're crying. It's a very eventful day."

Eren bit his lip. You're going to be fine," he insisted.

"Eren-"

"Say it. Just say you'll be okay. I just...I just need to hear you say it."

Armin sighed and his smile melted away. "I'll be okay, he whispered. "Don't worry, Eren, because I'll be fine and you'll be fine. And as soon as this bleeding stops, we'll travel. We'll see the whole world. And when we get back, nobody will believe us when we tell them we've been to the ocean, but it'll be okay because we have seen it and it's better our secret anyway. And we'll be okay, and everyone will be okay, and the best part is, everything will be okay." His voice grew steadily softer as he spoke.

Eren closed his eyes, tears still sliding down his face. "Thank you," he breathed.

Armin nodded, tight-lipped.

"But what am I supposed to do now?" Eren asked.

"What do you mean?" Armin asked, annoyance and affection mingling in his voice, "It's obvious what you do now. You find Mikasa-"

Eren sat up a little straighter, a glimmer of hope sparking in his chest. "You really think she's alive?"

Armin snorted. "I find it very hard to believe she's not. You find Mikasa and you get out of this Survey Corps hell, and you live. You live a long time, and you live happily, and you don't worry about me anymore. This is what you do. Obviously."

"Armin, I mean what am I supposed to do without you?"

"I just told you, dummy."

Desperately, Eren reached for Armin's hand and gripped it tightly. "But I can't," he protested, "I can't live, not for one day, without you."

Armin opened his mouth, then closed it again. "Sorry," he said, barely audible even in the near silence.

They were quiet for a while. A crow swooped low over the ground before perching on a broken tree branch a ways away, cocking its head to study them from a safe distance. The wind picked up a little as Armin's breathing got shallower. Eren fought harder to stop his tears.

"Armin?" he asked finally.

Armin didn't say anything, but tilted his head slightly in acknowledgement.

Eren took a deep breath, speaking softly. Disturbing the quiet felt like murder. "It doesn't matter to me if we never see the ocean. I just want you to stay with me."

Armin squeezed Eren's hand weakly, and his eyelids fluttered open. "Eren?"

"Yes?"

"Bye, Eren."

Eren's heart stopped, and he grabbed Armin's other hand, eyes stretched wide and face painted with horror. The only thing he had to hold on to was fast slipping away. "What? Wait, what? You can't just do that! What the fuck, Armin?!"

Armin smiled slowly, and a small sound that may have been a laugh escaped his lips. He took a breath.

Eren waited for him to exhale.

And waited.

Armin's hand was still in his, and it still felt warm and soft.

And waited.

Armin's eyes were still half-open, the blue just barely visible beneath long, blonde lashes.

And waited.

Armin was still smiling.

Eren waited still.

He waited until Armin's hand wasn't warm or soft, and was stiff and cold instead.

Only then did Eren let go, and even then, it was only to brush off some hair that had fallen forward into Armin's face. "Hey Armin," he said even though only the crow was around to hear, "I'm going to miss you. A lot. I..." he swallowed past the growing lump in his throat. "I guess I should have told you earlier, but, y'know, I love you. A lot. Damn it all, I love you so much." The world thrummed with silence as he leaned down and pressed a soft, heartbroken kiss to Armin's forehead. He took a deep breath and shakily stood up, staggering backwards on stiff legs. His vision spun wildly and numbness spread through his limbs, but he stayed standing and started walking. Walking was all he could think to do. He looked back, once, and wished he hadn't. Armin looked tiny against the desolate backdrop and his heart shattered all over again. It was all he could do to turn back around and concentrate on picking up one foot and setting it in front of the other, and by the time he gathered himself enough to look back again, all he could see was the outline of the building and the silhouette of a bird climbing into the air.