SMILING DEVIL

MY BEGINNING

"what about you Miss Dawson?"
"What about me?"
"What's your childhood like?"
"Oh, there's not really much to tell. I'm the 4th child of 7. My dad own a local autoshop, where I spend most of childhood in. Mom's just a normal..."

"Wait, you're a gearhead?"
"I do have a penchant for it, I must say."
"Interesting. Dream car?"
"Ferrari 365 GTB. You?"
"Woohoo, sweet Daytona. Mine's a Jaguar Mark X."
"Now that's a proper evil car.." Jane's words trailed as she remember something. "So sorry. I didn't mean."

Boone only smiled. Jane was anxious. Did she already lose the rapport with him. Already she regret her choice of words. While trying to make him loosen up so she could interview him further, she inevitably became comfortable and weaken her own defense. Finally Boone spoke.

"That's quite alright, Miss Dawson. I know what evil is. That's why I'm here, bound like this." He lifted his handcuffs.

Jane smiled. Relieved he's not mad at her for that evil remark.

"Shall we continue? I'd hate to interrupt this lovely conversation of ours. Please, feel free to ask or say anything."

"Glad to know that. And please, just call me Jane."
"A pleasure. So, Jane, what else do you want to know?"
"Well, you did ask me about my childhood. I believe it's your turn to talk about yours."
"I thought I did."
"When? You just talked about your parents. Barely even mentioned about you."
"Hurmm, fineee. Let me regaled you with the illustrious boredom that is my childhood."

************************************

I was born on the bustling eve of New Year's day. My dad said he was frantic as the street was busy with drunk people partying and rows upon rows of cars. Luckily he managed to get to the hospital in time. The ER was so busy. So noisy. That might be why I prefer to be in a peaceful tranquil environment. Because my first experience in this world is so chaotic.

My first real memory was us going on holidays. I know, it sounds annoying already. I just remember us going to hotels, or picnicking on the beach with loads of family friends. It was so much fun at the time. I still like being with people. I still enjoy playing with other kids my age. You see your parents enjoying themselves and you felt that your whole world was whole. Until it was whole-ly destroyed.

My elementary school days was just over. As I was waiting to start my junior high, my dad received one of the worse news he could get. It turned out, one of his business partner ran away with the company's money. Leaving him with a surmounting amount of debt. Forcing my dad to foreclose his business. It was really sad to see your dad had to beg here and there for jobs. Still thanks to my dad, we still are able to survived.

I started my middle school education quite late. And by late I mean just a few months late. We had to take care of some stuff. I went to the military school as it was all expense paid. I don't know why, maybe it's the lifetime of being pampered and spoiled, I don't quite able to fit in. Always the target of the seniors and superiors. Still though, I survived. Learned discipline. And also picked up a few useful survival tips. Life was still good, though. And then it wasn't.

I remember that day. I just finished junior high. I packed up my things. Waited for my family to come pick me up for the holidays. When the Hilux was finally into view, I could have sworn there was only my dad in there. It's weird, usually my mom would tag along. I said nothing about it. We silently loaded my stuff into the truck bed, close it, and was on our merry way.

After a while of silence, my dad broke the news. My mom had filed for divorce. With the guy whose been helping us so much. I could feel my dad was trapped in the swirling emotions of anger, sadness and gratitude for helping us all this while. Strangely I don't feel anything. I just thought to myself, well it happens. Like reading a celebrity divorce news.  A little part of me wanted to be angry, wanted to join my dad's turbulent emotions. But I felt nothing. Like it's a normal day.

************************************

"Wait. You feel nothing?"
"Yup, not a thing."
"Is that how you normally are, or is that a rare occasion?"
"I don't think it's normal, Jane." Again her laugh made him smile. Before adding,"and no. My emotions are always misplaced."
"Misplaced? Like wrong emotion for the wrong instances?"
"Oh no, like exaggerated emotions for the scale of the instances."
"I don't...follow."
"Like if my house burn down. I would go 'oh no. Well it happens' and just live my life as usual. But then if like I was walking, and then say a door scraped my arm, I would destroyed the door."
"Oh, now I see." She added something on her note. "Please continue."

************************************

Where was I? Oh yes. After that day, my dad was a different person. Not in the way his act. But I can feel something different. One thing I noticed is wherever we go, he would always chose the route that pass by that guy's house. Every time we pass by, it felt like my dad's eyes wanted to pierce through the brick wall. I felt annoyed. I wanted to say to him 'just moved on, man' but didn't have the heart to do it. That irritation grew and grew and one day I had had enough.

One night, my mom and that guy went vacation somewhere. I took the key to their house that my dad had when doing renovation on their house. Then drove my moped to their home. The house was empty. I turned the knob of the stopped to max. Let the gas fill in the house. Then, just as I was about to lit the match, a hand stopped me. It was the first time I had ever felt afraid. My heart was beating so fast as I look at his smiling face.

"Dad!"
"Don't do it son."
"But...but dad.."
"I know son, I know. Still, you can't do that."
"Won't it make you feel better too dad?"

My dad did not get angry. Did not even gave me that angry stare he often used to discipline me. Instead he just hugged me and whispered in my ear,
"I'm sorry for driving here every night. I didn't realised what effect it had on you. I won't do it again okay buddy. We'll start a new life. Just us guys together okay?"

We are not the touchy-feely family, as you might know. It is just cringe whenever we faced those moments. Still, at that moment, I did not felt awkward at all. Instead I felt protective. I wanted to guard and shield this man from anymore hurt that the world will throw at him in the future. My slight distaste of the human species burnt red with rage. I hate other people. I wanna kill them. I don't want them to hurt my dad anymore.