Hers Professor {Completed}

Never let him go



✤✤✤Arya's POV✤✤✤

Everyone had ignored me since childhood, I didn’t care. Then why when he did the same I was feeling like the world had lost all its glory? For three- four days I tried to apologize to him.

But when I could not achieve his forgiveness. I was sure he didn’t need me anymore. He must have gotten tired of me and my useless apologies.

I was sitting in my room alone like always. And I saw the mirror, glinting with dark shadows and saw my gloomy reflection sitting at a distance to me, having a frown on her face, a sealed, tight frown. I stared at it, I realized the first time how blank my eyes looked, they are dull, tired but blank

I tried to pretend my reflection wasn't me but some other person, a Doppelganger, who looked just like me, but lived behind the glass in some other world.

And I pretended all of that because I was desperate, desperate to feel less lonely, desperate to feel less agonized.

Solitude, a path I chose for myself. Darkness my residence, nightmares my accomplice at night, scars my jewellery and self-harm my escape, from all the ache of my heart.

Till now everything was easy, because this heart was solid like a stone, I didn't feel anything, happiness, joy, remorse and regret just pure pain left mixing in my blood whenever the darkness overcame me.

Then why I wondered, Why was I hurting today?

Why these tears won't stop burning my eyes. Why this heart won't stop aching?

I remembered the days after I got bullied. That was end of fear for me. After that I wasn't afraid of anything. Because death can't scare an already dead person.

But today, I could feel a fear breathing inside my heart.

Fear to lose something which was never mine, on which I never had any right.

They were the feelings that Riyansh Sir gave me. That were of my own, that I created from this stone heart which stopped working a long ago. He taught me that even the things that stigmatized to be bad or wrong can have their own beauty.

He taught me that even there are thousands of people who are cruel and heartless, There would always be one person who would prove the others wrong and bring a hope to life. He made me realize that sometimes when we live in thorns for so long.

Then those thorns become a home for us. But that doesn't mean we belong to those thorns or we could never have flowers in our life. We may miss those thorns when we get out of them but we should never go back to them.

And I was afraid that I would lose all these feelings. The trust which was very hard to accomplish, a hope that I was holding very loosely in my hands was about to slip away from my hands.

I needed him to guide me how to hold this hope tightly, so I won't lose it ever again. He was the person who could teach me how to trust other people like I trusted him, and he trusted me.

I was afraid to lose a friendship that I attained first time in my life. A student and Her Professor could they be friends?

Could they be close friends? Could they be as I and Riyansh Sir was? Yes, they could be friends but still world had put some limitations to this friendship. And by kissing Riyansh Sir and Stripping myself half naked in front of him.

I think I had crossed all those limitations a long ago. Still I wanted to keep holding him. Either as a friend or just as a professor. But he won't even bear a look at me. Then how would I?

To be honest I didn't know if I should call this bond between us friendship or not. Because a famous song had very famous lyrics went something like,"But friends don't know the way you taste  la la la. "

And I knew exactly how he tasted. But whatever this was. My heart didn't want it to let go.

My heart didn't want it to let go. But I had already lost it by my silly mistake. It just that I didn't want to accept. I wanted to keep trying. I wanted to keep struggling for this.

But what would my struggles result as? It would only became a tug of war between us. And either him or I, one would had to fall and lose.

And there were two reasons I wanted to lose, first because I wanted to give Riyansh Sir a thanks by losing from him. Second, it would be okay If I get hurt, I was habitual to this.

I already had so many wounds but I didn't want any wounds for him.

His tears were more hurtful to see than crying my own eyes out. Therefore I decided to lose. I decided to give up and not fight.

I was ready to carry this frozen heart for forever in my chest. I was ready to give up these new feelings I started to feel. Because they were a present of him. And he gave this present to a wrong person. I wasn't worthy of this present. So unwillingly I had to return them.

I stood in front of the mirror and took a deep breath. I tried to smile while my cheeks were already glistening with tears. “It’s okay, Arya. If he does not want to talk to you anymore. It’s his choice. And it’s your fault that you hurt the person who cares about you most." I innocently blamed myself.

"You know you can not make anyone happy then why did you think you can change that?” I uttered to my reflection trying to smile but something sharp pierced deep inside my heart like a silver knife and I could not keep my feet from trembling. My knees buckled and I fell down.

I was breaking into harsh sobs before the mirror. Having my head against the mirror as I cried before my reflection, my only companion.

I whimpered like a little child in anguish and chanted, “I lost him, I lost my guardian angel, I lost him.” I was disappointed in myself. If I would be a little bit more careful, I wouldn’t have to lose him and all these precious feelings that he gave me.

But when I closed my eyes, his smiling face came in front of me. And I brushed my tears painfully. “You want to stay away from me because I hurt you. So I will do as you wish. It's not much but the only thing that I can do for you. I will never bother you again.” I said to myself with an aching smile when my phone pinged.

I wanted it to be a message from Riyansh Sir. But it wasn’t, It was an email. When, I opened it, my eyes widened with shock.

I blinked and rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn't blinded by my tears. But what I saw was true.

It was from the poetry competition in which my poem was submitted against my will. And my poem had been selected. I covered my mouth in shock I couldn’t believe it.

I was invited in the poetry competition to recite my poem. And I couldn’t believe it. I had never thought my poem could be selected for a competition. I wanted to tell this news to Riyansh Sir. A small wave of joy swam above the sorrow brimming in my chest. I was sincerely happy, and there was only person in my mind with whom I wanted to share my happiness.

To be continued...

»»————>Author's Note<————««

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