thoughts that consist of you, a look into my notes

entry II

CW- self harm, suicide, mentions of blood, thoughts of unrequited love, swearing

no i don't proofread these

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you act so weird. why don't you just love me like you love the other girls? why don't you act how you act around your other friends? without you im nothing. im worthless. with you it's the the same but at least i enjoy it. im a mistake, i know, you'll never love me again but can't you just say it? break my heart right now. break it in half, kill every part of me and leave the shattered pieces to me. i just want you to leave, so maybe you'll get off my mind. you're not the right one but i just want you to be mine so bad, I wanted it for so long. i really can't believe it, can't believe you, can't believe us, can't believe it's been so fucking long and it's still always you. i start to like a new boy and you just come back onto my mind anyway. when will you leave? fucking go. im going insane. at this point i just want to fucking kill myself. im gonna slit my wrists cause you never know, maybe you'll finally notice me without just wanting to have sex or for my body, maybe for me. maybe you'll feel bad and actually start caring. if all you wanted was sex you couldve just told me. i fucking hate you but i love you and it's all so confusing. i want to be with you but other times i want you to just leave for the rest of the year already. fucking leave. leave me be. never come back again. I feel so good with you but outside of it all you make me wanna die, you make me wanna cut myself till the blood drips, shoot my self, drown myself. i feel so dead inside. my happiness has been completely obliterated from everything and i just can't take it anymore. goodbye and good riddance, they say. that's all i want, a sweet release and for people to give up on me for once. i have a need to not be needed . a need to fuck my whole life over and hope everyone's happy at the end of it all.