Refuge In The Deep

Remember when we were kids and loved to laugh about in the waters? The very same waters that drown us now? Oh how wonderful is youthful ignorance. 

Like a placebo we take from birth, a pill of innocence that traps our minds that know no better, and shackle them to these lurky and two-faced waters. From the surface atop, these waters look shallow and reflect happy smiles that have yet to begone. We are all drawn into it, no lie there. And as one hand breaks through the water, causing ripples to flow on the surface, as though a rabbit leaping through time, oh the acid like burn, staining the innocent hands of a child that once held onto its mother all those years back, and the eyes that dared drop its gaze at these anguished pools of dread. 

But its far too late now.

 Pushed to the edge by the ones you laid your trust on, the ones you stuck out your neck to and trusted not to strangle you. The ones who said they would have your back, were the ones to stab it. But how could you know any better?

When the head leans forward, so does the entire being.

 In you go, no return.

 And like that, your entire being plunges forward. But, oh well speak of the devil.. before you could be sucked into the cold embrace of regret and hatred, someone makes an effort to save you. 

Just like how you fell for the entrancing curiosity, you fell at the hands of a stranger. A stranger who was like a beacon of light for you- of hope, walked in at your darkest and saved you. But at what cost did you fall for? 

The next time your paths crossed, you grow close and inseparable, but only because you thought their hearts fluttered the same way, when it was only you hanging on. As if when they met you, a seed had been planted. That seed then grew into a flower that possessed an intoxicating beauty that left you in awe. But you left that flower to grow without care leaving vines that spread to your vitals, thorns piercing and penetrating where it hurts, clenching you in its grasp. Yet you see it as their way of embrace, when all it did was suffocate you.

They have always had eyes for another, always looked to someone else, only leaving you heartless glances. And still, you give them gazes of love and care in return. 

The last string of thread connecting you breaks, and they just walk away like that, as if you were never there! And then you realize, you never meant a dime to them. Not even a cent when you treated them like a deity, as if they were your entire whole world! And your then left on your knees wondering what you did wrong

when it was just them all along. 

Your first heartbreak.

 Every cell of that pumping organ trampled upon and devoid of its lifeblood for you cried a thousand storms, and bled in countless wars.

 And you're just there, you have cried too much to the point all you can do is question existence and lay there numbly as the pieces of your heart all scatter across the floor.

 But you know more now. No matter how dead you feel, you push hard enough to at the very least be a walking corpse. If no one wishes to hold you, then you must be the one to keep yourself together

Then you pick your heart up and put it back together as best you could but when that person up and left, they left with a chunk of your heart, leaving a nasty hole that felt it could never be filled. Sure, you can stuff it with all the desires in this world and still, it would never perfectly fit. You will always walk around bearing the crimson scars of battle, and the tears of a rebellion. A tragic story of a king who discarded his mistress for another more 'suitable' queen.