Family Comes Last.

Chapter 38: I died that day.

Trigger: Admitting of being raped and aftereffects of it.

Bella looked at the paper in her hand.

'To Bella' scribbled over it, in a handwriting she had never seen before. Serafina's handwriting, and with a final sigh, she opened it curious as to what it said, because while they saw each other every day, they never knew...each other. At all.

'Dear Bella,
I'm going to write this letter in proper format...hopefully. I don't have a lot of time so I'm going to make this fast. I don't have the energy actually.

Whenever anyone complained about overprotective family members, wished I had them...Because of the things that could've been.

If you remember, I started changing around when I was twelve, I realised shit more than I ever did, I lost my virginity then too, funnily enough, I hadn't even had my period yet.

See, my first time, I wasn't given a choice, I was raped.

I was raped by Tony, Gusto's son. Vittorio's godson.

'Relax, just relax' He'd told me, but how could one relax in a situation like that, he was trained just as much as me...he was trained more, he was older, and as some sexist pigs say, he was a man. I was twelve, he was fifteen. I couldn't escape.

Maybe that's why when I found out that Katherine had Eve frame him, I lost it, for a moment, I forgot that my sister was more capable and powerful than him because I wasn't...I forgot she wasn't me, she never will, she's strong, not weak like me. And that she could leave anytime she wanted unlike me, I cried, and sobbed, screamed. I couldn't protect myself.

All I could do was take it and scream, scream, scream, and scream but no one heard, and slowly I gave up hope, so I just lay there, and took it, the pain, both emotional and physical.

A part of me died that day.

A part of me died every day actually but that day a huge part of me died. The hopeful part.

Most of me did.

Of course, he just went home, Vittorio hugged him before going, ran his knuckles over Tony's cheekbone, said some words, let him go with a pat to the back.

I just watched, I watched him get what I wanted all my life, what I tried to get by being perfect, even though he was far from it. I could've said something, I should've said something.

But who would Vittorio stand with? Who would the rest of them stand with?

His loved godson or his hated sister? The boy or the girl? Classic game of he said, she said and I was sure 'he said' would have won. I was sure they'd see this as an attempt to earn love or sympathy or pity and that's not all, because, to my twelve-year-old self, I thought I'd be hated, maybe a part of me still thinks, maybe that's the reason you're only getting to know this after I die.

I left it. I slept. had nightmares. screamed. Woke up sobbing. Read. Repeated.

For two days, I couldn't take it any longer than that.

That was the month, actually the week where I had my first drink, first smoke, first pot, and the first time I hurt myself.

And honestly, despite whatever whoever said, It helped, I'm pretty sure when you read the whole thing or have already read it there'll be someone less who knows or maybe not. But I wrote this to you because...I need a favour.

See that day I thought I could forget what happened. Turns out no one ever can.

I tried to kill myself, I wasn't brave enough maybe, because I didn't cut deep enough. I passed out for a few, lost gallons to blood, drank more alcohol to get rid of the pain, passed out again.

No one noticed, I mean who would? I'm a bitch.

But hey look at the bright side, life at least granted me one wish, that's why I'm dead, I hope it wasn't too painful tbh, but I cant wait to....not exist.

Seems so peaceful, so good.

See Suddenly, I didn't care anymore, about anything, about me, about anything but now when I think about that feeling I held in for years, I think of what Cole told me when I said I loved the night cause It felt like I could disappear, I wanted to disappear, needed it even. He said, not fully conscious 'You think you want to disappear, maybe you just want to be found'

Maybe that was the case. It is the case.

Maybe I didn't care anymore because I wanted someone to care, maybe I did care, just buried it. I don't know. It's not important.

I needed it to stop, I needed everything to stop.

But that's not the reason I'm writing this letter, I'm writing this letter because I need a favour and I have no one else to ask. I know we don't know each other but Vesper, fucking Vesper trusts you, that's got to count for something right?

I'm...I'm asking for two big things, please, be there for Aria and Leo, I know you have no connection to them, I get it, I swear but I just...I want someone to be there, someone who they aren't afraid or ashamed of telling, don't get me wrong, Eve and Logan are the best parents I've ever seen...Trust me.

It's just...I think I'm asking you to replace me, I know, I know what I'm asking for it's not a small favour but they'll enter our world soon, Logan's the heir of a mafia, Eve is a Spalitte, partial heir, with more power than anyone realises. So, they'll enter it, I don't want them to be alone, I want them to know rape is wrong, and so is murder and they happen every day in there, and I was alone the first time I was pushed in the headquarters and I couldn't...they were screaming and crying and things were holding those people down, and I...I just want them to know it's not right.

Please make them understand, keep them safe. Cousins or nephews/nieces I don't care, those kids are so innocent, they...I love them.

The other one? Please don't let Tony hurt anyone else...nevermind this...I know Gusto is stronger, I know Vittorio is stronger, but...I just, take care of my twins, and yourself.

It's time to go, I'm going to kill Lilith today too, so there's that.

Bye.'

Bella breathed out, as horrified and shocked as she was, she knew what she had to do.