5 (jaylor) forever fearless nights and a mirrorball spotlight

chapter nine.

She was sat in that chair. She knew that velvet pink chair. It sat in the corner of her apartment facing the window. The window that faced the street, the window she spent so much of her time looking out at.
Her knees were up to her chest, her hair in a messy pony tail. She was wearing her pyjamas because she didn't want to get changed. Adam would have something to say about that, she knew it already. Her neck still burned from the weight of him as he held her down last night, her wrists were still bruised from how he pinned her down.
Taylor felt her eyebrows knit together, as she looked down at the busy street, at the crowds of people pushing past each other. Did their lives hurt as much as hers?
She jumped when the phone started ringing. Jumped as she realised what that meant.
She sat completely still on the chair, as if it might mean he'd go away.
The answer phone played his message out loud though, and his voice sent shivers down her spine.
"Taylor, gorgeous. I'm picking us up some coffee, what can I get you? I'm sorry about last night, baby. You know how it is. You just make me mad, but I'm getting better, okay?" He most definitely was not getting better.
His voice faded into the background when she saw a familiar face in the crowd of people. She stood immediately when she saw it - it was the face of the blonde haired man from the Met Gala that she'd based so much of reputation on.

She didn't even know what she was doing, when she fled her apartment, when she ran down the stairs in nothing but her socks and cat pyjamas. Adam's voice still echoed through her apartment, and no amount of distance made it quieter. She could hear his words even from the sidewalk.
For once, there were no cameras or paparazzi. There were no adoring fans screaming at her, almost as if she was completely invisible.
She ran into the middle of the street, trying to see where Joe went. Trying to see those blonde curls, or those ocean eyes.
She tore through the crowd, running through the busy streets, which only seemed to be getting busier.
"Joe!" She tried to scream, but her voice was gone. She had no voice, and there were too many people to get through. She felt the tears prick her eyes, felt them threaten to fall. Taylor knew that the distance between them was too big now.
She stopped running after him as the star shaped droplets of rain began to fall quickly through the sky towards her. She was never going to find freedom, she knew it.
She could still see the busy crowd, see the endless sea of people between her and the one face on this planet that might see through the facade she'd built for herself. She tried to cry out again, but no one even looked in her direction. No one even noticed the bruises or the tears in her eyes. Because she was invisible.
"What are you doing out here, baby?"
She froze when she heard Adam's voice. She wasn't invisible to everyone, it seemed.
Taylor turned to face Adam, who seemed angry.
"Do you want them to see the bruises?" He dropped the coffees and they landed on the pavement with a splat. "Hm? Do you want them to know? Do you want them to know what you did?"
"What I did?" Taylor felt herself explode. "I'm invisible, Adam." He'd made it that way. Made it so that no one else could see her. Not her family, her friends or her fans. He'd made it so that he was the only one in the world that could see her. "I walk around with scars and bruises and no one even notices." She felt like she was on fire. "You make me hate writing songs. Making music. Playing the piano. You take credit for my work and you make me do stupid fucking interviews where you go on about how much you love me, and then we get home and I haven't smiled enough so you hit me." Taylor wasn't even sure if she was speaking at this point. Speaking or yelling or crying or screaming. "And even now, after all this time, I've never spoken to the public about you. I've never gone out of my way to say bad things about you."
Adam reached out and grabbed her wrists, holding them tightly. But Taylor was on fire and she shoved him backwards.

"Mommy!" There was a voice behind her, and she turned around to see Joe, with the kids. With Thea standing at his side holding Elena's hand, with Luca and Nora on his other side. Her family.
She wasn't invisible to everyone. To most, but not everyone.
"What the fuck is this?" Adam tried to turn her around again, but Taylor had already locked eyes on her family.
"This is what love is. This is what love should be. These are the faces of the people that made me love the city of dreams again." The words brought tears to her eyes because she realised that was true. These were the people, the family that had made her love New York again. Because now, it was the place they'd raised their kids in, the place where they spent most of the time and the city that they'd decided to send their kids to school in. Until Joe, until she'd seen the other side of the city, she'd been caged in a city she hated with a person that made her want to end it all. Until Joe, who had taught her that she could love this city all over again, who taught her that love shouldn't make her miserable. Joe, who'd stood beside her every single moment of every single day since then. Adam had made her hate love, life and New York City. But Joe... he'd taught her to love all of those things that Adam had made her hate.