Trust Issues-Tsukishima Angst: Tsukikage

XII

POV- Tsukishima

I chase Kageyama down as he runs away with my phone, giggling. He looks amazing, beyond amazing, I always find myself taken aback by how precious he is and looks. 

It is the end of practice and Kageyama and I were just hanging out while everyone else left as we has some extra time on our hands due to Kageyama's mother being away on a work trip. 

I continued to chase the boy as he giggled and ran way, dogging my attempts of me catching him. I then caught him in a bare hug, tackling him to the ground. 

I chuckled lightly as he cutely pouted, feigning annoyance. I boobed his nose before taking my phone and quickly snapping a picture of the adorable boy in front of me. 

"Shi-shi!" he yelled hitting me softly in embarrassment. I soft blush spread across his tanned face and a smile smile crept onto his face. I looked at his lips and my breath hitched, I really wanted to kiss him. 

I've been aware of my crush on the adorable boy for a while now. It's grown stronger over the last week and I constantly find myself in situations similar to these. 

Part of me wants to confess and reveal my hidden feelings but there's another part of me, a part of me that believes he'll shun me for liking him.

We've become really close and I don't want to jeopardise the close friendship we have, even if it means forever hiding my feelings. 

"Shi-shi! Shi-shi! Are you alright?" Kageyama questioned, concern laced in his voice. I smiled at the sound of his sweet voice before responding. 

"Yeah, I'm find don't worry Yama." I replied, he obviously didn't believe me but he didn't press the topic, which I was grateful for. I them quickly picked him up to lighten the heavy and glum mood that just settled across the room.

"Shi-shi! Hey! Put me down right now mister!" Kageyama yelled fake kicking and pouting. I sighed in content. He's adorable. 

Giggles once again filled the quite room making the atmosphere light and welcoming. Kageyama always managed to do that, make rooms happy. Maybe it was his enticing smile, or charming personality, either way he always managed to do so.

I smiled softly as I placed him on one of the benches in the gym. I sat down as well, enjoying the feeling of his warmth radiating right next to me. The comfortable silence quickly ended as he turned around to lean on my back. A small hiss elicited my mouth as my back was still tender.

I prayed that Kageyama didn't hear it but of course he did. We sat in silence for a while longer before Kageyama broke it.

"I know you purposefully hurt yourself by scratching your back. The doctor told my mum and I overheard..." he paused for a bit, gathering his thoughts before continuing, 

"At first I was disappointed that you didn't tell me right away but after a while I realised that this has nothing to do with me and I'd rather focus on you having a safe recovery and all. It doesn't change you at all, it just means you need a little bit of extra help from a professional." Kageyama finished, his brain still thinking.

I was shocked that he knew but I was more shocked how he didn't blow up at me or get mad at me like I had anticipated. After such a caring response I felt safe enough to really tell him the truth, although I know it won't be easy.

"It started before my dad started.... abusing me. I always had really low self esteem issues after what happened with Akiteru. I felt like there was a reason he couldn't trust me enough to tell me the truth even though I know that's not true." I paused for a bit to settle down as I could feel my heart rate quicken.

"I didn't plan on it really, one day I hopped into the shower and I slowly increased the heat of the water, I liked how it burnt my skin so every time I got used to it I'd increase the heat. One day I scratched an itch I had while in the hot water and god is stung so much but it made me feel good you know because I could have control over something." I paused once again, this time to stop myself from crying. I felt Kageyama's arms gently rap around my body, calming me down.

"I could control the pain levels my body felt. It wasn't my dad causing physical pain at his own will nor anyone else it was me. I could control it and I grew crazy for that control. I got addicted to it really quickly and I haven't been able to stop." I finished up, tears slowly rolling down my cheeks. I never really voiced how I felt but now that I did I realised how fucked up it all sounds.

"I can't say I relate to the situation but I get what you mean, it gave you control that you didn't have in any aspect of your life. I'm most definitely not saying its okay though, I think we should tell my mom and find a therapist when you're ready to talk about it, and if I can do anything to help please let me know." Kageyama spoke carefully, trying not to express his thoughts incorrectly. 

"Okay yeah I agree but first can we go home and bake or something, I just need to do something fun after all that." I spoke. Even though it was draining emotionally, I am glad I talked to Kageyama about all this.

"Sure, I love baking. Lets head home!" He announced standing up and holding my hand. Much to my surprise and comfort, he didn't let go as we walked home.

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Word Count: 995 

Hey guys, I know its been ages since my last update but I've had little to know motivation lately so bare with me 😅

Also I'm trying to finish up this book because there are only 4 more chapters including this one (～￣▽￣)～