Sin or Salvation?

IV.

" These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder
Which, as they kiss, consume."

- Romeo & Juliet,
William Shakespeare.

.................................................................

"Tameez seh pehsahiye aap.."

...and he simpered from ear to ear.
"...seriously Shaurya? This is how you concentrate on your drills?..."

It is bizarre of him to cast his mind back to memories coupled with his wife as its subject , that too during his scheduled workout sessions. Something about which he is almost as dedicated, as he is to his liabilities as a Professor.

Thus, he prefers to remain focussed while exercising, and indisputably he had been successful in it for eleven years now.. since the time, he was eighteen and he voluntarily started the routined warm ups every morning . He had always been very particular about his health and conscious about his build. Pledging to never to turn out to be anything like Shaan Sabherwal from any probable aspect of character and behaviour.

Yes, because I feared resembling my father. Indisposed and disabling himself by his own accord... drowning himself in the darkest of coves, of thoughts-memories-pain-guilt...and alcohol. Staying away from responsibilities by choice and immodestly yield to jibes for twenty five years with persistence. He never fulfilled any obligation of being a father, let alone being a responsible family member or trustee for our College. Why and for what? Is it worth it?

Those thoughts.....those abstruse beliefs he had held onto since the tender age of four...

These questions that steered and controlled his darkest demons. The dusk of his nature, for twenty five passive and chronic years of his life. Up until a beautiful, musical yet surprisingly firm and steady voice warned him to behave properly. He recapitulated those words again. "Tameez seh pehsahiye aap..". That warning seemed to have paved the way for him to force open his eyes and notice the other side of the coin. The unrequited passageways of The Sabherwal House. Regardless of how, the most pivotal answer to his "Why and for what?" was unearthed.
"...Love. It's Love."

As ridiculous as it may sound, but that one word seemed to feed his dusky intrigue and his continued dissatisfaction of twenty five tediously long years . It was ridiculous; how many had made futile attempts at answering his quarries while it took this one person, this one girl.. his 'Uniqueness' , a mere "...tum samajh rahe ho na meri baat?" escorted by her angelic smile ,with her delicate long fingers softly cupping his face across the jawline --- to draw out his nod of approval and grin of satisfaction. Love is that, which has the power to trigger the kind of dependency that has got 'destruction' written on the other side of the coin. That explained the plight of Shaan Sabherwal...the self-destruction , he willingly endured for over two decades.

The irony still and all, illuminated the situation that started brewing over an year ago with the admission of Astha Kashyap's most favourite student . Tables were turned . His questions began to get requited as he chose to ignite his conscience with all that he subconsciously knew or doubted, for the least. "The unrequited passageways of The Sabherwal House" ...he reminded himself. As he completed his last broad dip, he took his time in standing up straight and was gracious enough to allow a dreamy smirk subtly lifting up the corner of his lips.

" Yes....I know . Irrespective of the kind of father and husband he had been..I know, now. Why Dad was the way he was. I...I can't imagine what it was li..like for him. I can't....Shit...." , he felt his breathe waver as he attempted to exhale out that tight knot of terror and uneasiness that had tightened its grip around him, he thrived to pull his thoughts back along the rectilinear line "..I wouldn't have managed to exist... let alone, live. I am dependent. Probably more than I myself, can ever manage to fathom in words ....and, you know that pretty well.. don't you Mrs. Sabherwal? You are well aware of the extent of my dependency on you...", the alluring smirk reappeared across his lips, while he used the white towelette to lightly sponge the sweat off his arms, "... She... her aura...it's my physical and emotional need. With every passing day.. this is only intensifying further, which is surprising. For how can there possible be a most for the most?"