Perfect Double Suicide ~Dazai Fanfiction

#5

Chapter 5

I froze surprised when he pressed me gently at himself. "Don't be sorry to need a hug, we all do sometimes" Dazai said and my eyes started to fill up with tears.

I did need a hug, really bad.

I buried my face in his jacket and wrapped my arms around his back. My shoulders started shaking as I started crying. He pat my back softly while I let everything out. I had to do this for a long time now, but I never let it through. But now, now I couldn't control it anymore.

It was the way that I felt somewhat save in his arms. Like I wouldn't be judged, he understood my pain and shared it with me. I was finally- Accepted

I calmed down after a bit and when I was good again, he let go of me. "Now let's drink a cup of tea, you cried all the water out of your body" Dazai said and winked at me smiling softly. I just nodded and sank down on the pillow at the table.

He left and came back short after with two steaming cups of lemon grass tea. He placed them on the table and sat down looking at me. "Are you okay now?" He asked and I nodded. "I'm sorry for this" I said and took my cup. "Don't be, I understand" He gave back and took his cup aswell. "I understood now that you do"

He just looked at me without saying anything. Yeah you do get me. I didn't want to believe it when you told me the first time we met but- I do now. I smiled a bit, happy that someone finally understood me.

"A smile suits you much better. Try smiling even when you don't feel like it. It helps" Dazai said and I looked up to him. He smiled back to me. "I smile all the time even though I feel like screaming" He tilted his head to the right. He does that a lot I noticed. He closed his eyes and smiled a bit bigger.

"Tell me Dazai-san, what is the true reason that you want to die with someone?" I asked and his eyes widened a bit surprised. "Oh what so you mean? I told you already" I shook my head. "All you told me was that you want to die alongside a pretty lady. I want to know the real reason behind it"

For a moment he just stared at me until he looked at his cup and sighted. "I don't want to feel alone for the first time in my life" He said slowly. My heart skipped a beat for a second. I looked at the man right in front of me. His eyes were lowered on his cup, sadness laid in them and a loneliness I understood just too well.

"Hey Dazai-san" I said and he looked up. "You won't die alone" I bowed forward and laid my hand over his. "Because I will be alongside you till the very last breath" His eyes widened as he looked into mine. "Promise?" He asked and I nodded. "I promise on my life" He closed his eyes and when he opened them again I saw tears in them. He tilted his head to the right and smiled at me. "I am glad" He said and for a moment I held my breath.

A strange feeling started spreading through my chest. It felt warm and good. It spread through my entire body till my toes and finger tips. The fingers that were still laid down over his.

Suddenly I blushed and took my hand away. Why did I take his hand? That's so weird! I looked ashamed away and bit my lip. Why am I reacting like this? That's not like me at all. I slowly looked back at Dazai, who was looking smiling to himself at his cup. I looked fast away again, blushing even more. Oh gosh, what is happening? So embarrassing!

I coughed and got up. "Bathroom" I said and left the room. I didn't even know where the bathroom was at, but I had to get away. I walked through his apartment and opened the next door. I ended up in a room that looked like his work studies. When I wanted to leave again, my eyes fell on a picture and I gasped.

It was- my dad.

I walked up like hypnotized to the picture and took it in my hand. There was my dad alongside with Dazai and three strange looking man. I heard a noise behind me and turned around. "You weren't supposed to go inside here" Dazai said and looked at me with cold eyes. A shiver ran down my body. "W-why is m-my dad here?" I stuttered. He came up to me and I went backwards till I bumped into the wall.

He stopped right in front of me and took the fame out of my hands. "Your dad was a member of the Port Mafia" He said. His voice gave me the creeps. It had a dangerous tone in it that made me want to run away. "D-Dazai-san?" He looked me dead in the eye. "I killed your parents" He said and my eyes widened. I slapped my hands over my mouth and stared at him.

No!

"Your father betrayed us and got 12 members killed. My boss ordered me to assassinate his entire family. But I couldn't kill a child. So I left you alive" I screamed and went crying down on the ground. "I'm sorry" I heard him say, but his voice didn't sound like that at all. It had this tone in it... I screamed again and jumped at him. Causing him to fall backwards in surprise.

I started hitting his face with my palms. He was so stunned by the surprise move, that he didn't block my hits for a moment. Which gave me the chance to pound hard into his face. "YOU KILLED MY FAMILY!" I screamed and the next hit didn't reach its destination. He caught my fist and so the next. With one push he pulled me over and sat down on top of me. Pushing my arms on the ground next to me.

"LET ME GO MURDERER!" I screamed and tried to get away. "No you calm down now!" Dazai said back and I spit in his face. "CALM? CALM DOWN? YOU ARE FUCKING SHITTING ME!" He got angry and squeezed my wrists together. "LISTEN TO ME NOW! THEY WERE ORDERS! ORDERS! I DIDN'T WANT TO KILL YOUR DAD! HE WAS MY FRIEND!" He shouted. I tired getting my hands free as he started to hurt me. "LIAR! I REMEMBER YOU LAUGHTING! LAUGHTING LIKE A MANIAC!" he stared into my eyes. "YOU ENJOYED IT! I SAW IT MYSELF, NOW GET OFF ME YOU MONSTER" I screamed and felt the grip weakening around my wrists. I took the opportunity to get free and pushed him off me. I crawled away, got up and ran out of his apartment. I didn't care about my stuff, I needed to run away from him.

From the killer of my parents.