Perfect Double Suicide ~Dazai Fanfiction

#14

Chapter 14

A few days passed and nothing happened. I started to relax and not be afraid of anyone storming in. Dazai too started to be more calm around the house, but he never actually seemed to like it. His eyes always looked like he wanted to get away from something. They seemed to want to escape from this place, so I started to ask him if he wanted to leave, but he'd always reply that there was no saver place to go. We never talked about what happened in that room again, even though I tried, he would just chance the subject or walk off.

We basically never went outside, only to buy grocery or get some other needed stuff. It was for our safety in order to not be located here. All the cautiousness made me be really terrified of the Port Mafia, they must be very powerful, if Dazai went into hiding. Or maybe he just wanted to protect me, I didn't really know.

Day after day we spend in this huge depressing house, I tried my best making it look more comfortable, but the sadness seemed to come from the walls itself. So I started to draw a lot of pictures to hang them up. It made him smile every time I made a new one. So I spend most of my days drawing, while he sat outside in the garden on a chair. I wasn't sure if he was either keeping watch, or escaping the house.

I looked outside the window up the sky, the clouds where thick and calling for rain. My eyes wandered over to Dazai, who was sitting as usual outside.

I better tell him to come inside, or he might get wet and catch a cold.

I opened the windowed and leaned outside. "Dazai-san! Come inside and eat some soup" I called out and he turned around waving. "I'll be on my way sweetheart" He replied and smiled. I waved back smiling and closed the window. Then I went to the kitchen to get us two bowls of fresh cooked miso soup. Dazai came inside the kitchen, gave me a kiss on the cheek and then sat down at the table. I placed a bowl in front of him and then sat down next to him placing my bowl in front of me.

"Thank you for food" We said both and started eating. "Mh it's delicious sweetheart!" Dazai said and I smiled grateful. "I am glad you enjoy it" We kept on eating silently and after a while I started hearing the rain drops hitting the window from outside.

I knew it was gonna rain, good move to call him inside.

I looked at him eating his soup, buried in thoughts as always, when he is inside the house. I tried so many times to get him to cheer up, but as soon as he'd step inside these walls, his smile would vanish and only appear rarely. The memories stuck on those walls must be too terrible for him to become happy around them. I knew only a bit, but that was enough to know he wants to burn down the place and never think about it again.

After dinner he went to take a shower, and I cleaned up the kitchen and house a bit. I remembered I wanted to wash the towels upstairs, so I went to the bathroom and knocked at the door. "Could you pass me the towels? I want to wash them" I said and a moment later the door opened. Dazai gave me the towels and my look went down on his arms, I had never seen them unwrapped before. I held my breath when I saw scars on every single spot. There was no skin anymore, it was all covered in hundreds of scars. My eyes went over his arms to his shoulder, neck and chest. Everywhere I'd look there where scars, nothing but scars.

Tears came up my eyes when I started imagining the pain he had suffered, thinking that he felt every single cut... Knowing that his father did so much more than that. I dropped the towels and pulled him into a hug. "Oh my baby Bunny!" I cried out and pressed him tightly at myself, feeling the tears burn on my cheeks. "I hope the bastard burns painfully and forever in hell!" I shouted out and kept crying.

How could a father do this to his child? What sick fuck could ever cut up his son like that? Beat him, rape him and all the stuff I don't even know!

"Sweetheart..." He took my head gently into his hands. "Don't feel sorry for me, it doesn't help me" He said and wiped away my tears. "I don't feel sorry, it hurts me knowing what that sick bastard did to you, seeing it and imagining the pain you must have suffered" I said and more tears followed the ones he wiped off. "That's why I wrap them up, I'm sorry you had to see it. Let me get dressed so you don't have to look anymore" He replied and turned around. "No wait!" I grabbed his arm and he looked over his shoulder at me. "What is it?"

"I want you to start accepting them, I want to help you walk around without hiding them" I said and his facial expression dropped to blank. "That won't happen" He said, went into the bathroom and closed the in front of my nose.

I shouldn't have said that.

I picked up the towels and went back downstairs to wash them. Afterward I sat back down to start a new drawing, I decided would make it a cat. While I was drawing, I kept looking to the stairs, waiting for him to come back down. When he finally did, I was glad to see him in his normal state. I was a bit afraid he would be mad or sad maybe.

"What are you drawing?" Dazai asked interested and sat next to me, giving me a kiss on my cheek. "I am drawing a cat I used to have, his name is Rio" I explained and gave him my almost finished sketch. "Wow it looks so beautiful! Almost as pretty as you" He said and made me blush. "Stop it" I mumbled and took back my drawing to keep working on it.

"Hey sweetheart" he said and I felt his fingers on my chin, gently pushing it towards him so I'd look into his face. "You are so beautiful, I have to admire that, don't I?" I blushed a tone harder and looked to the ground. "Hey baby, look at me" His voice suddenly changed its tone, he pulled up my chin a bit more and my eyes crossed his.

My tummy suddenly jumped when I saw that look in this eyes. It was the same as back then in his apartment when we-

I blushed even harder and looked away again. Dazai let off me and stood up. "I see" He only said, and then left to go outside. I just sat there on my chair, holding my drawing, with a head as red as a tomato. The air became a little too hard to breathe, so got up to go to get a glass of water.

If I'll go on like that, he will think of me as a child that will never become a woman! I have to cut the childish behavior, and just do it already. We almost did it anyways so- So what's the problem? He thinks I am pretty! I am not fat either, Urgh!

I smashed my glass frustrated on top of the counter. "Everything okay?" I heard Dazai's voice and turned around. I didn't hear him come back inside the house. He was holding a few flowers from the garden that he now offered me. "I know it's not much but- It's something... I planted these flowers many years ago and I'm surprised they-" I interrupted him with my lips.

The next thing I know is sitting on the counter, getting my t-shirt pulled over my head.