Face to face, palm against palm. I didn't know that in his eyes that there was nothing left for me. I was too far gone to care. He was my all, my everything, my earth. The one I wanted. That summer night was our six month anniversary. We had slowly walked away from the party, the music and voices fading to a hum in the background.
"We're done," he said abruptly, detangling his fingers from mine. He turned completely away from me and broke eye contact.
"We're done." he repeated, with more resonance.
It was then that I realized we were far, far away in an empty field. The supple yellow grasses brushed my bare legs, and my heart plunged. He didn't want me anymore. He didn't want anything to do with me.
In an act of impulse, I lunged forward toward his hand and snatched the half-empty beer from him. I lifted it to my mouth and jerked my head back, gulping down the flavorless liquid. It burned as it went down. I drained the bottle, dropped it on the soft earth, roughly wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, and ran. I turned and ran. He didn't call me back, and the absence of the call of my name that I yearned to hear was ringing in my ears. The thud of my bare feet on the grass was suddenly very loud. My breathing grew faster, my hair flying loose in the thick summer air. I stopped running. I was still no where near the party, but I laid down on the plush grass and felt very alone. I breathed in that air, and lost my eyes in the endless blue of the sky. I closed my eyes, and felt my lashes brushing my cheeks.
I was naive to think that Scott actually liked me. Loved me. I thought it was real, what we had had. My heart ached, and the tears that had refused to come, finally came. I sat up, and the fat tears splashed onto my thighs. My chubby thighs. I dug my nails into my legs, as if the pain would tone them into long, sleek ones. I hadn't even thought about the pain since I had met Scott. He was, in my mind, the perfect boy. The perfect one.
I withdrew my nails from my thighs and rubbed at the deep, crescent-shaped indents. I drew my knees up to my chest and hugged them. And in that moment, I felt like I was my only friend.
