The Badger and the Snake, or Rather, the Lion and the Llama (Phan/ Hogwarts)

Chapter 1

The two boys had been together their whole lives. They were born six months apart, the younger in June and the older in January. Their moms had been best friends all their lives, so naturally their children, Daniel James Howell and Phillip Michael Lester, would be so too. The two boys had been playing together since they were in diapers and become inseparable since that first playdate. Whenever Dan cried, Phil did too. Whenever Phil watched t.v., Dan did too. Whenever one did anything, the other followed without question (thankfully, Dan and Phil only lived a few blocks from each other, so they didn't have to go too long without playing with each other). So, obviously, when they were both six years old and Phil's mom told him he was a wizard, he told Dan. Immediately after, they ran to Dan's house to ask his mom if he was one too.
"If you're not a wizard," Phil said, panting from all the running they did, "then I don't wanna be one either."
Thank goodness Dan's mom said he was one too. Phil thought wizards were really cool.
For the next five years, the two boys started practicing all the magic they were allowed to do, and obviously, they did it together.
They learned how to turn things different colors, how to make things levitate (albeit a foot off the ground, but still), and even how to fly around on a broomstick (Dan's mom told them about a game she played in school called Quidditch, but she wouldn't teach them how to play).
When Dan's letter to Hogwarts arrived in the mail, he ran to Phil's house to show him; only to have Phil wave a nearly identical card in his face. Both boys were ecstatic that they would be able to go to wizard school together.
Their mothers took them to Diagon Alley that Saturday to buy the boys their school supplies. They bought identical cauldrons and, unsurprisingly enough, the boys decided to both get pet owls (Dan's a sleek black one named Sonic, Phil's a snowy white one named Buffy). When the four of them arrived at Ollivander's Wands, a pair of brother wands, both with a feather from the same pheasant, chose the two boys to be their owner's.
The two boys bounded happily out of Diagon Alley and to the car.
Two weeks later, the same four were at King's Cross Station and each boy's mother was showing him how to get to Platform 9 3/4. After a moment of fear, the boys just did as they were told and were onboard the Hogwarts Express before they knew it, waving goodbye to their mothers as the train pulled out of the station.
While on the train ride, Dan and Phil made a few friends (Cat, PJ, and this kid who called himself Crabsticks, and a few others whose names Dan can't recall), and thankfully, no enemies. The group chatted among themselves about which house they were hoping to get into. Dan's mom had told him how both herself and Phil's mom had been in Gryffindor and how their greatest rivals had been the Slytherin (apparently this guy Malfoy had given them all a tough time). Almost everyone in the group wanted to be in Gryffindor, some Ravenclaw, and a Hufflepuff, but none wanted to go to Slytherin. They then started talking about what they were gonna do once they got there.
They continued chatting like this for the rest of the journey, which seemed like it took an eternity. It was night by the time the train stopped moving. Once they arrived at the famous Hogwarts, a very tall, large man by, apparently, the name of Hagrid led them over to a lake with dozens of boats.
Both boys already assumed what they were going to have to do.
Once safely inside the vessel (after nearly falling out once, maybe twice), it started gliding across the dark lake smoothly. In minutes they reached the large castle-like school. After they all clambered out of the boat, they were lead to a room inside and told to wait for further instructions.
They were passed through into a huge dining chamber they knew to be called the Great Hall. Four large tables with students clad in the distinct colors of their house were all waiting patiently. A stool was placed in front of the teacher's table. Atop of the stool was an old, brown hat. Moments later, it began to sing a song (it called itself the Sorting Hat). Once the hat was done singing, the headmaster said a few words and the Sorting Ceremony had begun. The first named called was David Afton, RAVENCLAW!
The hat kept going until finally Dan's name was called.
"Daniel Howell," said the teacher from next to the stool. He looked at Phil and smiled, "See you at the table," he said before walking up the steps to where the Hat lay. He sat down on the stool, his long legs allowing him to still have his feet somewhat on the ground. The Hat was placed on his head, and it started talking to itself in Dan's head.
"Hmmm, smart, sarcastic, a loner, but yet, rather kind. Well, more sarcastic than kind, and more smart-mouthed than smart. You don't really like people much do you? No, you don't. Yes, I know, I'll put you in-"
"SLYTHERIN!" The hat yelled aloud, and the green table to his left cheered.
Dan was greatly shocked. So shocked, in fact, that he couldn't move himself from the stool. He sat there form a moment, mouth open in surprise, and the teacher who put the Hat on his head was now shoving him off the platform (she looked like a little old lady but her arm strength said otherwise). He walked numbly over to the Slytherin table and sat down, ignoring the pats on the back.
How could he have gotten into the worst of the houses? Why was he sitting with the people who were more than likely going to go evil one day? Was he going to turn into a Dark Wizard? No, he thought to himself, no I'm not.
He continued deep in thought, trying to convince himself that he wasn't going to turn out horrible when something made him snap back into reality.
"Phillip Lester," called the witch.
How could he have forgotten about Phil?! He was so deep in thought that he hadn't remembered that his best friend still had to be Sorted. Phil walked up the steps as he had and plopped down onto the stool, clearly nervous. The Hat was placed upon his head. Well, thought Dan, the bloody Hat was wrong about me, maybe it'll put Phil in here too. But no sooner had the Hat touched Phil's head had it made up its mind.
"HUFFLEPUFF!" It yelled, causing the table next to them to cheer loudly. Phil looked over to Dan, eyes wide with a mixture of expressions. Dan just looked back, not sure what to do.