poems i write at 2 a.m. and decide to post

four

i don't feel like a girl.

or a boy.

or me.

i don't feel like i'm here at all.

all i have weighing me down

anchoring my head

is them.

it hurts

but i kind of like it.

it's fuzzy

and hazy

i can't think

can barely breathe

but they comfort me

in a way they aren't quite

aware

of.

i love the way they smile.

the way they laugh.

i could drown there.

and i think i will

i'm not myself or caelus

not even sure i'm

here

but i will be caelus

or whoever they ask of

me

i will be whoever they ask

for them

my anchor, my lover.

(a/n; gender time)