Beneath the surface: Forbidden Love

Thirty Six

Kael

Regret weighs on my heart like a heavy stone, an unshakable burden I carry the whole day. It's the relentless replay of moments I fell short, where my actions and words caused hurt and distance between us.

I ache to make amends, to turn back time and choose a different path. The longing to see her smile, to hear her laughter, to feel her warmth, is an ache that gnaws at my soul. It's as if the colors of my world have faded, leaving me in a desaturated existence where the only vivid hue is the pain of my mistakes.

The knowledge that I may have let the one I love slip away through my own shortcomings is a torment that never ceases. It's an ache that deepens as I realize the preciousness of what I had.

In my heart, there's a fervent desire to turn back time, to seek forgiveness, to rebuild the bridges I've burned.

Regret.

I have this powerful urge to heal the wounds I've caused and to rekindle the love we once shared, no matter the cost. I hurt her, more than once, and I know this time, I really fucked up.

''Have you spoken to her yet?'' Dimitri asks. I ignore him and continue looking over the plans.

''Kael.'' Dimitri calls again, and I sigh, putting down the papers.

''No.'' I tell him, feeling ashamed of myself. ''She's been avoiding me.''

''Give her time.'' His attempt to comfort me. ''Her whole world has fallen apart, she needs time to process everything that has happened.''

''I know, but I hurt her, Dimitri,'' I sigh, "I don't know what to do."

Dimitri is quiet for a long time. I've been so hung up over my mess up of things between the princess and I, and I didn't know what to do. My entire life, I've only dealt with issues related to the kingdom. I had no idea what I was supposed to do with Marisela.

An apology wasn't going to cut it. She deserves more than an "I'm sorry". I feel like since she's arrived here I've apologized to her more times than I have told her I love her.

Actually, come to think of it, I never told her that I love her. I'm such an idiot. She deserves so much better than me. I'm good at being king, but I realize now that I need a lot of help on being the perfect mate for her.

I know "perfect" is quite an impossible standard to live up to, but that's what she is. Perfect. In every sense of the word, Marisela is perfect in my eyes.

"Have you tried to apologize to her?" Dimitri asks after a long time. I sit up quietly lost in time. I frown when I realize that, no, I actually haven't tried to work up the nerve to even go and apologize to her.

"Telling her I'm sorry, isn't going to cut it this time." I tell him.

"You're right." He says standing up. "But it is a start." I frown as I listen to his words. His right. It is a start.

When Dimitri leaves, I'm left alone in my thoughts.

I royally fucked up with Marisela, and I didn't even tell her how sorry I am. Instead, I let her avoid me. I thought that by me giving her space would help her, I realize now, how much I messed up. I'm sure she thinks that I don't care.

Fuck!

I quickly get up, pushing my chair back with such force, it falls on the floor. I ignore it and make my way out of the office.

On my way to Marisela'a room, I think about what I would say to her when I get there.

Would she even want to see me? Goddess I don't know what I'd do if she told me to leave. I had to risk my pride, she needs to know that I am sorry. And if she doesn't want to listen to me, I won't stop there, I'll show her how sorry I am.

Working up the nerve to apologize to the love of my life is like standing on the precipice of a steep, uncertain mountain, the valley below echoing with the weight of my hesitation. My heart races, and the air feels heavy with the words left unspoken.

With each passing moment, I wrestle with my pride, my fear of rejection, and the anticipation of her reaction. There's a storm of emotions raging inside me, a whirlwind of remorse and longing. I replay our shared moments, both beautiful and painful, and I'm acutely aware of the wounds I've caused.

But in the midst of my inner turmoil, a glimmer of determination emerges. I realize that the love we share is worth the vulnerability and the risk of rejection. Marisela deserves my honesty, my humility, and my genuine remorse. It's a choice to let go of the fear and embrace the courage to make amends.

As I finally approach her bedroom door, my heart pounds like a drumbeat, and my voice wavers slightly in my throat, but I find strength in the depth of my feelings.

Apologizing to her is not just about seeking forgiveness; it's about revealing my genuine desire to mend the wounds and rebuild our love stronger than before.

Knock knock knock.

Nothing. I look at the time on my wrist, hoping that it isn't too late.

12:03am

Damn it, she must be asleep.

Or she could actually be ignoring me.

I put my gut on the former reason. I hesitated knocking for the second time, but then I decided that I'd give her space tonight, but tomorrow I'll be by her door, bright and early.

I'll beg her if I have to.

As I turn around to leave, I decide if I should go to my room and call it a night, or just go back to my office and hopefully keep my mind busy.

The office it is.