Candy

Trying for a change

That summer my baby brother was born. Yeah, we have exactly 15 years of difference and he looks like i am printed again... just the face and body though. We're totally different types. Anyways, i had been praying to my parents for 14 years for this miracle to come in life so basically i was happy. In fact, he complicated a little bit my situation. My mum didn't have anymore time not even for herself so i don't blame her for cooling up the things beetwen me and her a little.
The grades were making their effect. I was lost. Lost in my mind. I was living beetwen two worlds. Funny and bizzare reading it huh? But yeah, it was much more complicated than it looks, so i started crying every night before sleep. That made me saw different kind of nightmares but i was being strong and brave until i thought i was seeing halucinations. That has been the most undefeating part of my story so far. I couldn't handle anything. I was about to cry even seeing and old poor man walking down the street.
The days were passing faster and faster and i was about to tell my mum but i never managed to find out the right timing so i red on the internet, mostly on tumblr and noticed that the people who had the same problems as me were cutting at the same time. The moment i red it, i was feeling powerless, like i was under drugs, covered in tears and all layed down on the bed like someone had beatten me so hard i couldn't even speak. As a conclusion i decided to do it. I tried once. I tried twice... it was just like drugs, once you do it you can never get back. It was like releasing pain with pain. It makes you feel free for a moment there.
I did it for the last time, i think it was the 15th.
I stopped for a minute to analyse where this thing was taking me. Nowhere. I thought of stopping, and that's what i did. It was hard. And it was getting harder and harder everyday. The more i wanted to do it once again the more i was feeling like drawning. But i made it to swim to the sea shore.