knowing myself

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A nightmare was about to come and i had no idea about that. Just like you're suppossed to think, 9th grade started. I was new in the school even though i had been there in 1st grade that didn't make a difference. I was in the last row because my class was the last on the list even though it had the higher avarage.
When the school started all the teachers looked at me like i had landed down on earth from mars, with a ufo. All that mattered for them was the fact that i was coming from a private school so i looked like a spoiled child and they used to evaluate me with bad grades... not that bad but they seemed bad to me. A C, i couldn't allow myself to get a C.
The days were passing by slowly and i had already become friends with everyone except one guy. I was too busy being worried about my grades and stuff i didn't have time to go out with friends or to like a guy even though i had a little crush on someone which i had almost 2 years talking on the internet only. It was a nice guy i had at the basketball squad but he had that deeply obssesion with me so he started to propose me really badly. He wasn't the first one though i've never had had complexes about this part but i just had the power to control myself, to see clearly if wrong or right. That means, i have never been in a relationship... so far. You see? Everything was coming towards me. I was feeling powerless till one day, after a long discussion me and that nice guy decided to be in a fake relationship. His obssesion over me made it last three months even though we never met outside the training. Romantic much.
Anyways that passed so fast i didn't even feel a thing. Nor for him, nor for myself... but i had a feeling, apart the lessons, i had this feeling for that guy i never talked to in my class. It wasn't like those kind of feeling with butterflies and stuff. It wasn't ordinary i could tell. I didn't love him. I wasn't thinking of him 24/24. I wasn't even trying to look nice for him. He just caused me that feeling... one day i asked my friends about him, they told me he was a geek. That actually made me think it was cute even though i didn't thought that outloud obviously. I'm sensitive, you know. I'm romantic and full of joy and happines. I knew the feels very well, just like i thought i knew myself, but that was the first time i caught myself being wrong.
The other day he sent me a friend request. Still, i wasn't feeling entuthiasmic like the feels you get when your crush sends you a friend request, but i was definately feeling something.
We talked, not much, but we talked, mostly about physics. The moment we talked i could tell he was my nature. Phragmatic, enigmatic, no words ... me.
The days were still passing and i wasn't liking him more because he couldn't even give a look at a girl like me, with bad grades, silent. That lowerd my self-esteem way too much but he was nice to me. I had nothing else left to do except prove myslef i was wrong and there was something in him i needed to release...

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