A Duchess in the Pacific

Sixteen

And as he stares into the sky, there are twice as many stars as usual.
-Laura Gilpin, The Two-Headed Calf

Andrew kissed Duchess on the cheek before she left his tent in the early morning. The heavy humidity of the island weighed her down as she walked quietly across the collection of tents. Duchess chewed on the inside of her lip. She was bothered by how she felt in the exact moment, how in a way, she felt similarly after she shot and killed the Japanese soldier on Guadalcanal. They both resulted in a death of innocence. And Duchess was struck with the realization that, officially, her childhood was over. Had she been a more happy-go-lucky, care-free, child she might've felt more sad and melancholy. But instead she simply blinked away the thought and continued her way back to the nurse's tent.

"Shame, Shame, we know your name." Linda whispered. She was playing solitaire on her already made bed.

"Why are you up so early?" Duchess asked as she started to change. Linda shrugged.

"Couldn't sleep. I'll try to catch a nap later today." She responded.

Duchess nodded. She glanced around the room. Irene was dead asleep, her arm hanging down off the bed. Lisbeth, Jean and Barbie laid peacefully in their beds. Carol was drooling into her pillow as always. Sherry had her back to the middle of the tent and was scrunched up in the fetal position.

"You know it's written all over you?" Linda continued.

Duchess yawned, "What is?"

"Your loss of virginity." Linda said flipping a card over and grunting quietly at the outcome. Duchess scoffed. "So, you're not gonna tell me how it was? After all that?" She got frustrated at the game and started cleaning up the cards.

"Well. I don't know what to say." Duchess hemmed on her words. "I'm sure he was no Slippery Sal, but you know it was nice." She decided.

"Nice? That's it?" Linda inquired. "It wasn't like everything you ever dreamed of?"

"Was yours?" Duchess sat down on her bed to change her socks. Linda chuckled lowly.

"Fair enough." Linda nodded in agreeance.

"It just feels weird, I guess. For that part of my life, that characteristic that is so defining of a girl in our society, to just be gone. I don't know." Duchess really didn't know what she was saying, because it was hard for her to even rationalize her feelings herself. But somehow Linda understood.

There was silence in the tent, Duchess laid her head back on he pillow and exhaled. Somehow she felt like she should be happier. Shouldn't something so magical and wonderful leave her with a better feeling? Like they way she felt when Andrew had kissed her? She didn't regret sleeping with him, but she had just always thought it would feel different. And the thought entered her mind, and even knocked before entering; she wasn't in love with Andrew. Perhaps, that was the difference.

She could feel Linda's eyes staring at her, could feel Linda trying to find words to say or even the courage to say them. Duchess reluctantly opened one eye and peered at Linda to confirm her somewhat psychic suspicion.

"What is it?" She closed her eye and laid her head back down. "Are you alright?" She added.

"I'm Ducky, Dutch. Your'e the one who probably won't be." Linda said, the tone in her voice was worrisome and hesitant with a twinge of sadness stitched in.

"What are you talking about?" Duchess sat up.

"Hoosier was looking for you last night. Carol let it slip that you were probably 'getting familiar' with the Skipper." Linda explained. Duchess simply rolled her eyes, not understanding what the big deal was.