The Queen's Gambit: Black and White (Benny & Beth)

On Benny's Side

He promised himself that after helping Beth, it'd be over after that. Despite his fascination with her strategies and tactics, it still didn't change that she decided not to return to New York. He promised to help her, and that's done; that should stop him from thinking about the redhead, but that's not exactly what's happening.

He had been frequenting speed chest competitions near parks for fun. He might as well train himself and get the money as well.

Even though he isn't precisely Beth's biggest fan, he still plans to beat her.

Winning against her would be some achievement; she just became a powerhouse in the industry worldwide. Something he had been before her.

He was about to go out to meet Arthur when the phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Benny?" a familiar voice. Benny pinned the phone to his shoulder to reach for his hat.
"Yeah, who's this?"
"It's Harry. Did you get the invite to Beth's welcoming party? Are you coming?"

The invite was staring at Benny's face. He threw it on the table, and now it's looking at him as if daring him to open it.

Benny caught himself thinking about it.

A nagging thought inside him compelling him to say yes, but he remembered what he said to himself about not seeing her anymore. To keep everything between them as rivals and mentors if needed.

"I'm not," he said, voice low.
"Is that so?"
"Yeah, I have some- something I need to take care of"
"Oh, good day then."
"Good day"
When he hanged up the phone, he stared at it for a while.
He shook his head, shoving his doubt and what-ifs deep down inside, locking it.

When he met Arthur that day, he wasn't planning to drink anything at all. He was even planning to go home and drown himself in books about chess theories that he can try.
If he drowns himself in learning chess, then it's the same as drowning himself with alcohol.
Mind numbingly focusing on one thing.

"You know I really thought you'd get together."
"Who?"
"Harmon, I mean you even let her stay in your apartment. That's new. Even admitted to liking her that time she went to Paris."

"She's a friend and a rival."

"A rival you slept with?"
"I should stop blabbering stupid things to you."
"Come on, Benny, admit it. You're soft for her. You used to always care about chess-" he drank from his beer "-or yourself."

"I kinda wanna keep it that way, keep out from all distractions."

"You said that, and you can't even help helping her in Russia."

"That was Townes"
"Nah, man, that was you, Townes might have helped, but it was you who decided to gather us all to help. Also, you paid the call. It was expensive."
"I was fulfilling a promise. You know I hate breaking promises."
"Fine, clearly you're not going to admit it, but think about this. Life is too short to hold grudges. And as Chloe once said, Life is too short to stop yourself from loving someone you clearly are."

He was blaming the alcohol.
Even though he felt sobber and mindful enough actually to hesitate on the phone, he was able to dial the Brown Hotel.
"This is the Brown Hotel; how may I help you?"
"I'm calling for a Beth Harmon."
"Miss Harmon requested not to receive any calls from news publishers."
"She knows me. Can you ask her first?"
"Right away, Sir."
The line went quiet as the person went onto something.
Benny was reluctant and was planning to hang up when a voice came out from the end.

When he heard the call patched up and Beth's first hello, he spoke.
"Let me speak first,"
"Okay"
"You're a terrible person; you know that, right? I asked you to be with me here in New York, but you refuse, and you rather-"
"I am sober since Moscow, well even before that,"

Benny sighed, frustrated, feeling that she is not getting his point.
But this is what he likes about Beth. Her constant need to prove her point.

"Please, let me finish."
He said quietly, but enough for him to be heard.

He got lots of pent-up feelings inside, and the alcohol is not helping.

" I told you I miss you; you didn't answer me. You've been ignoring my calls for days and only call me back when you needed me. Don't you wonder how that made me feel?"
Benny was anxiously waiting for her answer.

He was baring his soul out, asking for Beth to do the same.
"Awful?" She finally answered.

And Benny can feel the disappointment rising in him from her shorts answers.

Does she even feel the same?

Benny gave a tired breath.
"Why?"
A few minutes of silence.
"I don't know," she said quietly, "I'm humiliated and scared, and I just don't know what to do."
"So, you pushed me away because you're scared?"
"You're the same too, Benny."
Was he?
Did he do something that pushed her away?
He knows he didn't.
He misses her, for fuck sake, he told her that.
He can feel anger creeping, but he pushes it aside.
"But I let you in. I didn't push you away for christ's sake, Beth; I want you to come here; I told you I miss you."
"Don't you see how these emotions are so unpredictable? I don't want things to be unpredictable because anything is possible if things are unpredictable."
He knows that.
In short, he knows Beth; he knows how she is.
Heck, he even read her interview back then.

Beth is someone that needs to realize what she wanted.
Either she wanted him or not.

So he asked something he kept wanting to ask.
"Beth, do you like me?"

He can feel the air thickening as the time stretches... From seconds to minutes to minutes of not answering.
He sighed.
"Come to me if you made up your mind Beth. I'll be here."
And he hanged up.

He heard footsteps coming from the steps when he was about to go outside. There's street chess in Central Park, and he plans to play till night.
When he opened the door, he saw Beth coming downstairs, and he immediately closes it.

Why the hell did he close it?
He was reluctant to open it again. So he waited for her to knock.
When the knock didn't come, he opened it to see Beth going back up.

Why is she going away?

"Are you knocking or not?" Beth turned back and smiled. She still looks the same.

"I chickened out," Beth confessed. "How'd you know it's me?"

"I saw you were coming down; I was waiting behind the door."

"Oh"

She was acting nervous, and awkwardness hangs in the air. Benny tilted his head.

"So, what now?"

"I don't suppose I have a choice but stay and say I made up my mind."

Benny's heart did a summersault. He manages to give a smile.

"You sure?"

Beth smiled back and nodded.

"I am."

(For legal purposes, DISCLAIMER for EVERYTHING except the fanfic)