"just" roommates

six

"Willow. Willow!", I hear Sapnap calling after me.

I was trying to make a mad dash to my car, but I wasn't quick enough apparently.

"What, Sap? I'm going to be late for work.", I sigh, shifting my weight to my other foot.

"Why are you avoiding me? If it's about last week, I was way out of line. It was my fault, and I shouldn't have tried to suggest that-"

I cut him off with a long exhale.

"Sapnap, I promise, I'm not upset at you. I'm upset with myself about it. Okay? Now I really have to go.", I walk out the door a little too fast.

It makes me feel bad to see the way he's looking at me as I leave him behind.

The entire night at work, I can only think about how awkward that interaction was.

I feel awful that he decided to take full responsibility for what happened the other night.

It was partially my fault.

My emotions were running high from being upset with Clay, and Sapnap shouldn't have to only blame himself.

As soon as I clock out, I sit in my car.

There's a pit in my stomach every time I think about going home, so I find myself just driving in circles around town.

The different colors of the lights on the street are almost soothing in a way, and I eventually figure that I should probably get home.

Every week, Clay writes down my work hours and puts them on his desk, so he knows when I'm free.

He's normally pretty good at prioritizing my free time, so we are usually always together when I'm off.

Sure enough, he's waiting on the couch for me when I walk through the door.

"How was work?", he asks, practically the second I shut the door.

"Ugh, long.", I reply, leaning to pull my shoes off.

I toss them onto the floor before slumping down onto the sofa next to him.

He immediately opens his arms, allowing me to curl up in his lap.

My head rests against his chest, and I feel him rest his chin on top of my head.

I can feel and hear his breath hitch in his throat like he's about to say something, but he doesn't.

It's like he's holding himself back from saying something.

"What's wrong?", I gently pat the hand he has resting on my thigh, turning it over to play with his fingers.

He waits a moment, watching as I fiddle with his fingers, bending them back and forth.

A long sigh passes from his nose, and he shifts a little bit as he attempts to gain the courage to say whatever is bugging him.

"Clay, come on. You know I'm not going to judge anything you say. We've done this a million times.", I attempt to remind him, drawing circles in the center of his palm.

"I know, I know. I'm just not sure if I want an answer to my question.", he sighs.

My heart drops.

What could he be talking about?

Oh God, is this how he's going to break up with me?

I unintentionally stiffen up, and I know Clay felt it.

"Okay, um. What's up with you and Sapnap?", he finally asks.

Oh no.

"What do you mean?"

I shift out of his grasp enough that I can look him in the eyes.

Clay chews at his bottom lip, raising a hand to run it through his hair.

"I don't know. Lately, it just seems like you guys don't like each other. An-and I'll be honest, I have no idea what to do about it.", he definitely sounds frustrated.

I guess I can't blame him.

I have been doing my absolutely best to avoid him like he's some sort of disease.

"No, Clay, I don't hate him.", I attempt to assure him.

"For some reason, I feel like that's a lie. You guys refuse to even be in the same room as one another. Sapnap won't talk about it, I've already tried. Every time I ask, he just gets really flustered like that stupid thing he does when he's lying.", Clay has definitely had this opinion built up for some time.

His voice raises the slightest bit, but he seems to realize it and reels himself back in.

"Clay, it's not-"

"If it comes down to me choosing between my best friend or my girlfriend, I don't know what the hell I would do. And that's what scares me, Willow. I have no fucking clue what I'm supposed to do.", he gently pushes me off of him before standing up.

He paces a few steps to the left, then to the right, repeating his pattern a couple times.

"Okay, I'll tell you something. But can you please sit? You're stressing me out more by pacing.", I admit.

He seems interested, sitting in one of the chairs positioned by the end of the couch.

I find that my leg is tapping up and down rapidly, an easy tell that I'm nervous.

Clay knows that just as well as I do.

"You know last week when you were on Tommy's stream, and I was kinda mad at you?"

Clay swallows hard, his jaw visibly clenching.

"What did you do? Or what did he do?"

I'm a little offended that he immediately jumped to what I hypothetically did, but I guess the way I phrased it really didn't help.

"We were having a spa night, okay? I just wanted company, and Sapnap offered. I was plucking his eyebrows, and...", I'm not really sure how to finish my sentence.

"And then what? What?", Clay's voice is a little meaner than he wanted it to sound, and it almost makes him cringe how aggressive he sounds.

"We almost kissed, okay? I don't know how it happened, and it's all still kind of a blur. But we didn't! Nothing happened!", I rush to assure him, my hands waving wildly as I try to explain what happened.

Clay looks up at the ceiling for a moment before standing up, him towering over me.

"Clay, please don't-"

"Sapnap!"