Debauchery [ h.s ]

2

My tongue runs over my lips and the metallic taste of blood spreads in my mouth. I grimace in disgust and when I'm about to stand up and fight back, they retreat inside the school building. I am left behind with only my anger for company. Why is it always like this ? Why am I so weak ? I slowly remove my nails from the palms of my hands, leaving bloody marks on my skin. Several parts of my body and face feel sore. I clasp my hands together to contain their trembling, and to also hold back my tears.

A hand comes to rest on me and gently strokes my back. I immediately close my eyes and my chin begins to tremble as I clench my teeth. I feel like an insect that has to be crushed at all costs until it dies. A poor insect with no ability to defend itself.

"Leave me alone," I groan through my teeth.

His shadow hides me as he crouches beside me and his hand starts stroking my hair. My body is shaking with rage; I couldn't hide it. My throat is tightened and my tears are soon going to spill out of my eyes, but I refuse to give them the satisfaction. It was the only thing I could try—hide my emotions.

"Ace..." He sighs.

"I don't need your help !" I shout.

I push him by the shoulders and he falls to the ground. My blood is scalding me. My hands grab the collar of his shirt and I shake him while tears finally roll down my cheeks.

"Why do you have to help me all the time ? To make them run away ? Let them finish once and for all ! I don't need your help, Louis !" I pour my hatred onto him, slapping his chest.

He gives me a worried look and stops me from moving vigorously by grabbing my wrists firmly. My heart is racing in my chest; I feel like my head is going to explode. He has always scared them off, and he has always defended me, but because of him I don't have the strength to beat them myself.

"Ace, don't listen to everything they tell you; they won't be the only ones. This world can hurt you. You need to be strong." His soft voice reaches me.

"I don't need your help... I don't need you, I don't..." My voice cracks and I collapse against him.

His arms went around me; he made me feel safe, as he always did. Each time I had to get stronger but each time I couldn't defend myself, I just suffered. The only strength I have is Louis. I am nothing but weakness.

"Why..." I whisper between sobs.

"I will always be there. I will always help you when you need it, until you become stronger. I promise, one day you will make them suffer, Ace."

-

I look down at my palms above the bathroom sink; my nail marks are still there. Why am I thinking about this ? Does it mean I'm going to lose him ? Is my conscience throwing me back into these memories to warn me that Louis is leaving ? But am I ready to let him go ? Am I strong enough now to fight on my own ? But that isn't all—what if Louis puts himself in danger ?

I brush my thumb over my scars, remembering all the times they have bled, and Louis has cleaned them. Who will do it now ? I meet my eyes in the mirror, noticing that dark circles are still present under my eyes. The bruises and wounds no longer show on my face, but the pain is inside; I'm still weak.

This world can hurt you, he had said that day. This world spared no one, but people like me never escape the pain, the violence. I have no place, nowhere. I am a free electron; I am different, but Louis has always understood me, and without him, I would be lost in the expanse of this world that hurts.