I stare and the mirror and think of the ink stained skin that is invisible to all but me.
The ink that says I'm fat
Or stupid
Or dead
But my reflection shows the skin that is really there.
The pale milky skin that doesn't want me to hate it
It's my armor
That keeps me bullet proof
From the shots I keep firing
"Fat"
"Stupid"
"Bad"
"Ew"
"Gross"
Please
My reflection shows these words as each dot
Every freckle
Every mole
My body bandages these wounds with band aids
That get shot over and over
And soon I will be dead from all these guns
The guns that I never wanted to buy
I didn't buy them
But now I pay the price
"Love"
"Beauty"
"Smile"
"Happy"
"Great"
"Don't give up"
They are speckled on my body like cows skin
A spot of happiness
Of greatness
Of beauty
But they are scarce and small
I don't let my ink be seen
Or people will get the wrong impression
"Wimp"
"Attention whore"
"Stupid"
Stupid, stupid, stupid
I don't care anymore
My milky skin has been covered by red welts and black sharpie
I didn't ask for this
So now I'm hungry for what I don't have
And I starve for the happy spots
I starve myself for happy spots
But only get sunken cheeks and black bags filled with bricks that sit under my dull and lifeless eyes
I can't do this
I can't do this
This is my only home and if I leave I don't know where I'll end up
Or maybe I won't end anywhere
Maybe I can end one thing at a time
Let's start with me
Depressing...
~MMM.~
