in my city,
there's cruising
every first saturday of the month.
this month in particular,
there were more people here.
since i'd known him, he never went.
it'd never been something i had to worry of.
my mother was driving and we were getting dinner.
she turned by the store parking lot,
that way it was easier to get there.
him.
there he was.
i barely saw him,
but i knew it was him.
white hoodie,
brown fluffy hair,
grey sweats,
camo crocs.
him.
and that might be a basic hoodie, but he always wore it.
i messaged him.
to confirm it.
it was him.
i dont know how i felt.
we drifted.
we didn't see each other anymore.
but it felt good,
to see him.
though that night,
i fell asleep to the thought of
being in his arms again.
to hear his heartbeat one more time.
to see him one last time.
when we talked often, i messaged him frequently.
when he left his house, it was usually a rare occasion.
i.
overthink.
everything.
"hi love,
text me when you get home please.
i need to know you're safe."
"i will,
thank you for caring.
i love you<3"
"i love you too."
please don't crash.
please don't let me lose you.
20 mins.
cmon, please.
why aren't you home yet?
it was just a gas station trip.
30 mins.
i'm going crazy.
"hey,
it's been a minute.
you home yet?"
"we crashed."
Fuck.
"Are you okay?!"
"On the way to the hospital now."
His brother.
His dog.
His grandma.
"Are you okay??????"
"I don't know."
Me either.
