Have you ever felt cursed? Like life is weighing you down with every step? That nothing wants to go your way no matter how badly you want it. That you're not worthy enough for a peaceful life? You can't even get through a day without being paranoid?
I feel this way every fucking day.
Sometimes I ask myself why I'm still going, obviously there's something trying to tell me I dont belong here. I tell myself I'm a coward, but life has proved me wrong with horrors to show I'm far from that. I don't wanna die, I'm not suicidal. I'm just so tired and done. Eternal sleep seems like the only option somedays.
Sleep seems like the only peace I truly have left. When the drugs are barely working and the only solution my brain can come up with is to crucify my wrists, all I have left is sleep. I'm not ill, I don't consider myself depressed. Once I confirm it, I'm scared ill conform to it.
So for now all I need is some sleep.
In my dreams I only see a forest. When I was younger I could dream of anything like a normal person, I suppose. Most days its just me and my trees though. I've walked all of the forest, it just repeats itself after a point. There's all types of animals and nature in the forest, but recently I've notice a disturbance in the forest. Too strange to be one of the local animals.
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Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Be-
My hand slams on my alarm. Raking my fingers through my hair I close my eyes. Thinking back to last nights dream I remember the disturbance. Rolling ideas in my head I try and think what could of happened? On one of the trees in the central area a shape had been carved. An R to be exact, it had looked scratched in and as far as I knew animals didnt make R carvings. Which brought me to another theory, was there someone else? I had practically searched that entire forest up and down and not seen a single person in my entire time being there. They were my dreams, so who or what did this?
Sighing I opened my eyes. Grabbing my phone from the bedside table I read the time, 11:34 AM. Honestly not my worst, only snoozing through 1 of my alarms. It's not like I had somewhere important to be at this moment. Work wouldn't start for another 3 hours, so ofcourse I'd sleep in.
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Feet padding towards the kitchen, a chill was present in the apartment. Ignoring it the best she could, she opened the fridge to grab a yogurt. Turning around to walk towards the living room, a figure was made in the corner of her eye. Not bothered she made it to the couch. Trading her yogurt for the rig off the table, she got her first hit ready.
Eyphah Hurst, 20 years old, working at Purple Haze and with a trade degree for Cosmology. Now why the hell is Eyphah working at a smoke shop instead of in a salon? Because a bitch is a independent nail tech and needs some extra cash obviously.
Moving out of my moms house looking for a fresh start 2 years ago, I got this lovely apartment in New Orleans. Remember how I told you I felt cursed? I always thought it was my mother, don't get me wrong things definitely got better once I was away from her but, it didn't reduce the... paranormal. Faceless people, random looming shadows, people who just seem a little too friendly. That didn't stop.
It feels almost normal after awhile, but then there's always the experience to remind you how truly on edge you are. I'm not alone. I know I'm not alone. It's almost comforting feeling the familiar darkness fill the room. I tried moving far hoping it was just my mom or my shitty little town, but shadows follow unfortunately. Why can't I just get a voodoo master in the great town of New Orleans I ask myself. Suppose I'm just worried of making it worse or getting laughed at I guess.
Who fucking knows whats going on.
×××
JEN: So if I am really nice to you, and you're really cold and unfriendly to me, generally speaking, either I'll try to do something to, like, appease you and make you like me so that you'll warm up. Or maybe I'll respond with coldness to you because you're being unfriendly to me. Or we'll just stop interacting.
SPIEGEL: But people do manage to sometimes behave in noncomplementary ways. And when they do, it often completely shakes up a situation - flips the script. It happens between people. But also, it can happen on a bigger level.
JEN: The reason, for example, that we admire people like Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. is because they were abl-
Turning off the radio I sighed. Looking at the dreaded building ahead of me I tried to mentally prepare myself for todays work adventure. You'd be suprised at the amount of people who walk in believing you don't know the products in the store. You know the actual employee? Only thing truly good about this job was the "tip" jar that wasn't really a tip jar, atleast to the customers knowledge.
Aye atleast I got my employee discount aswell.
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Eyphah Hurst ( a - fah , her - st )
(September 5th, 2021)
(916 Words)
