Falling out of Life [5up Centric]

Chapter 1

I'm not going to put the TWs in every chapter read description if you might be affected by abuse and/or other sensitive topics.

[5up pov]

6 years ago I was living at home in Arizona with my mom, dad, and brother. Things were going alright until my brother decided to end his life. We didn't know he was struggling, I wish I could have saved him.

I remember I was in my freshman year at high school when my mom called me out from school and we rushed to the hospital. I ate the bare minimum for a week, my mom cried herself to sleep, and as for my dad- he started going out every night.

About a month later things got worse, my eating was getting better but the 3 hours of sleep every night as a result of nightmares was making life a living hell. Every night I would hear screaming downstairs, sometimes worse sounds. Sounds of pain, tears, everything our family was hiding.

On my 17th birthday my mom left, and I haven't seen her since. Every night I came home from school hoping my dad wasn't home, when he was- let's just say they were the worst nights of my life. My body littered with bruises I tried to hide, scars across my back and arms from various sharp objects.

The nights that were the worst were the ones where my dad would come home incredibly drunk in need of someone to talk to. He couldn't find anyone but me. He put his hands on me in places I didn't want him to and thank god that's as far as he went. It still hurts though, maybe that's why I'm asexual.

~-~

Now I'm 21, I've moved away from my dad although he still lives about 20 minutes away on the other side of Phoenix and sometimes comes here when he's drunk maybe once a week. I try not to think about those days.

I stopped going to high school and now stream variety games with my new group of friends. I love them all so much but I know they see me as a nuisance. I try so hard to be happier but they always say I sound tired, and most probably wish I didn't show up in the first place.

Last night was one of those ones where my dad came over. Luckily, it was an hour after I ended steam. Even the days that my dad doesn't visit I have nightmares involving him, my mom, and even my brother his face looking so young from the many years ago. I wish I could say that they don't still affect me.

You deserve to feel the pain you caused others.

This morning I have 4 bruises on my face that I counted in the mirror and fingernail marks etched into my sides that have been formed from both him and I. This is the main reason I don't stream with face cam- everyone would be worried and ask questions I had been refusing to answer for years.

Or they couldn't bear to look at your hideous scars.

523 words