Sada's Insanity [SLOW UPDATES]!

Trapped

Listen to the song^

Tariah Pov

I sit in the bubble bath staring at myself in the mirror that covers the entire wall. I'm trying my hardest to see something good. It's not working and it hasn't worked in the last 2 years. 

I could just drown myself right here, right now. It would make me feel better. I feel so trapped in this one spot. Trapped in a shitty existence. Trapped in this body. People tell me I'm beautiful day in and day out, but it goes in one ear and out of the other ear. I'm numb to it all. Their words fall flat on the ground. The one person that I wish would say it doesn't pay me any attention at all. I suppose I'm not surprised about that though. I don't think he's cheating on me, but he's constantly surrounded by reminders of everything that I'm not. 

It makes me scared that one day he'll wake up and see how much he can do better than me. I'm starting to get the feeling that he already has. He's only still here for our son. In a way I am too, but I can't bear the thought of losing Sada. I try to do everything I think he would want me to, but I know it's not enough. I just wish he would give me a sign that I'm doing it right. That I'm doing something right. 

The only attention he pays me anymore is when we're having sex. Last night, we had sex and it was great, but it didn't feel the same. It felt different. I can't even describe the difference, but I just know that it's not how it used to be. Even though, I was halfway drunk, I could still feel the emptiness. I cried until I fell asleep. That's all I ever do these days is cry and try to drink or smoke these feeling away. Nothing seems to be working. I'm stuck in this never ending loop. 

I get out of the tub and dry off. I drain the water out of the tub. I walk out of the bathroom and into our walk-in closet. I pick out a dress to wear along with some sandals. I get dressed, and I walk out of the closet into our bedroom. I see Sada still in the bed sleeping. I walk to the kitchen and open the fridge to get breakfasts started. I grab the eggs, milk, butter cheese, bacon, and sausage out of the fridge. I grab two skillets and start melting some butter. I grab the pancake mix out of the cabinet and all my seasoning. 

I crack two eggs in a skillet and I pour a little bit of pancake mix in the other one. I season my eggs  and add the cheese. I feel someone's presence. Sada must be up. I turn around and see him sitting at the island. 

"Good morning," I said shyly not meeting his eyes. 

"Good morning," he replied. 

"Would you like some coffee," I asked. 

"No thank you. I'm fine," he answered. 

"Okay," I responded turning back to to finish breakfast. 

"You want bacon or sausage or do you want both," I asked. 

"I'm not really hungry," he answered. 

"Oh," I spoke feeling disappointed. Well at least he told me before I could make another pancake. 

"Look, Tariah, we need to talk," he said making me freeze. He wants to talk. This can't be good. I don't want to look at him. 

"Tariah," he spoke, but it sounds faint like I'm hallucinating. Next thing I know he grabs me by my arms shaking me out of the trance. I look around and I see that my eggs and pancake burned and the pots are smoking  in the sink. I look up at Sada feeling a wave of shame wash over me again. "Tariah this has got to stop. We need to see someone. I'm setting up an appointment for us tomorrow at 5," he explained. 

I just nod my head still trying to process what he just told me. He wants us to see a therapist. That must mean he isn't gonna leave me. Hopefully, this therapist can help us.