My Reality ( #Wattys2015 )

Forty

With the turn of another decade, old habits kick in. A lot of people reflect on mortality at this time which is a human thing to do.

I always feared death, until I turned 39. That was the year of learning, self recognition and answers to what I'm actually doing here (another realisation in my life - first at 19 and second at 24). I'm 40 years and one day old now, and my internal fear register has turned back on.

My main thoughts, that I have probably 20 or 30 years left on this planet. Time, and the sadness my family will have when I leave causes fear within me, as I don't want them to feel pain.

As I sit here drinking my coffee, I try to understand my fear once more by reflecting on what I have learnt in the last year. By writing it down I hope, it will help me turn my mind from fear to remembrance.

In the last year I have learnt that I should not fear death, but in fact embrace the possibility of something new. I have also learnt that the reason I was born was to create and teach wonderful, intelligent men who were destined for a certain path with my guidance.

I was born to be a vessel to these people. A vessel of life, love and learning. My purpose in fact is very important.

When my time here is over, I believe, I will go on to another purpose. If it's the same as my purpose this time, I believe, that will either depends on if I did my job well and am picked for the same journey again which in itself would be a reward for a job well done, or that I will be given a new path to follow as a reward for doing well.

Raising and teaching my children, I believe, is not my only purpose. I know I also have another purpose which is equally important but slightly more difficult. I just hope that I'm fulfilling that purpose as well.

Death is not something to fear. It just means you have come to the end of this particular journey.

I remind myself each day to do well in this life and fulfill the purpose I was here to complete. To wave away the negativity of fear as that is what hinders or stops our progress. To believe in what I am achieving because it is important. That I am here for a true reason, not just to be born, live, then die.

Everyone has a purpose, path, journey. What's yours?

All works included herein remain the property of Colleen J Wilson © 2015