Entry 2:September 9, 2021
It's always the child who's going to understand the parent? or the other way around?
Am I wrong for feeling sad and I can't find the will to dream of what will I become in the future since they keep on telling me how poorly I did for the past years?
How can I move forward if I am always reminded of the past?
I understand that parents are there for a reason and, we, the children is always to be blamed for our misbehavior when in fact we are only the mirror of how the people around us act.
Whether a child likes it or not that trait will be carried and shall be adapted if that is the trait that he/she sees.
I am aware that I am currently typing aimlessly, I just want to empty my thoughts and empty the burden inside me.
Since I am voiceless
I am also blind, not physically but emotionally. Not by nature, but by choice.
If I cry they will seem like it's wrong for me to.
If I talk back, I am told to swallow my own words.
If I isolate myself, I am told that I am the villain.
The only way for me to feel something is if I open my door and wait for them to do what they want, "arrogant" they say.
No, I am not arrogant for looking at nothing as your words pass through my ears, as your hand lands on my cheeks.
I feel the sting, but I hear my silent scream inside my head wanting to voice itself out.
I feel the warm tears streaming down my cheeks, but I know I did not cry because of the pain in my skin. I cry because of my throat from trying to silent the scream, from the disappointment that I carry, and the things that I know should be said but I never did let them out.
All I see is blur.
All I see is my own helplessness.
How can I stand up, if I am ask to shut my self off.
How can I find strength if they're the only ones who hurt me until I'm spent?
I have no conclusion with this one, because this is what they call tough love.
I really don't have any idea, how this kind of love breaks my heart.
YOU ARE READING
Look At Me
Ngẫu nhiênI had to let it out, because it's burning my from the inside. I can't just sleep and do nothing about it. I'm helpless, and this is my refuge.