Look At Me

Entry 4

I remember my Mother says when I was young, she wished I was not born at all. 

My Father says, I'm good-for-nothing whenever he's angry.

I didn't know something hurts more than a brother telling you're better of to die.

Some people might find it overreacting and I should have known better.

But, I'm a growing child.

Am I supposed to feel, experience this things and understand that it's "normal"?

I never heard such words from my anties say these to their daughters.

I saw them rant, vent, and even hurt their child but not like this.

Am I the one wrong?

Am i?

Because I don't know what I am now.

I don't even know who I am.

Lately, I don't know anymore.

I'm tired of everything.

I really am.

Am I really childish?

Whenever I try to not pay attention on what I feel my Mom would just go and tell me. I am wrong

.

Then, if I become enthusiastic they'll say I'm too enthusiastic in the situation that I am in,

Now, I'm lost. what do I do?

Maybe,

they're right?

Maybe, my brother is right.

I should be gone.

 I should be.

Eveything is better that way.

I guess.

They'll live better with me gone.

Right?