Aot/Snk X Reader - Preferences & Oneshots (lemon!)

Connie X Reader - "No one compares to you" (TW: eating disorder)

TRIGGER WARNING: this chapter revolves around the reader struggling with an eating disorder and there are also mentions of other types of self harm. Please do not read this chapter if these topics makes you uncomfortable in any way, shape or form. Please, stay safe ❤️

You stared at your reflection in the mirror, your eyes examining every inch of yourself from head to toe as you were washing your hands in the sink. You had some rather noticable bags under your eyes from not getting enough proper sleep these past couple of nights and your skin was starting to get paler and paler, you've been freezing more lately even though it was late spring, and not to mention feeling light-headed, dizzy and drained of energy on a daily basis.

You were wearing your boyfriend, Connie's, black hoodie. It was thick, warm and oversized, just like you prefer it. In fact, it has more or less become your hoodie rather than Connie's since you've been wearing it so often lately. He surely didn't mind letting you borrow his clothes, except for a few shirts with a variety of anime merch on them, he protects them with his life. You had found a shirt in his wardrobe that had a Demon Slayer print on it which made you excited but you also noticed how he discreetly hid it away from you. He played it off as a joke at first but you knew that he knew the chances of you making it your shirt was high.

You fiddled with the dark fabric of the hoodie, trying to keep your breathing under control but you felt pressure starting to build up in your chest, making it difficult for you to breathe properly and taking deep breaths. The anxious pit in your stomach was growing bigger and bigger by the second and it was starting to physically hurt, also causing you to feel nauseous... You couldn't quite determine wether you were shaking due to being cold or due to being on the verge of throwing up because of anxiety. The voices in your head was getting louder, almost shouting at you from the top of their lungs.

"Why did you eat all of that dessert? God, have you no self control at all? You've been doing so well lately, working out until your bones ache and keeping up with your diet. Now you're just gonna let all your hard work go down the drain? Look at yourself, you can't seem to do anything right, you're nothing but a complete failure. Look at your reflection, look at yourself and hate it."

Tears was catching in the back of your throat and your vision was starting to get blurry due to tears.

"As if dessert wasn't enough, you also gobbled down that fast food as if it was the last meal you'd ever have in your entire life."

"Please stop..." you whispered to yourself, letting a few tears escape from your eyes.

"Look at your thighs. Look at your stomach. Look at your face. Hate yourself. You don't deserve to be loved, you're disgusting. No one is ever going to love such an incompetent, disgusting, ugly and pathetic loser like you, ever. You're going to die alone, as you should."

You reached your breaking point and burst into tears, no matter how hard you tried to block the voices out of your head they kept on yelling at you louder and louder. Your legs was starting to shake violently, almost causing you to fall down to the floor due to feeling so weak. As you bent over the toilet, and shoved two fingers down your throat, you felt the panic and anxiety leave your body along with all of the food you were purging up... Your throat hurt, your stomach hurt, your knuckles hurt from your teeth scratching against the skin, your head hurt, your legs hurt, your entire body hurt.

You contemplated wether or not to look at yourself in the mirror once you were done emptying your stomach... but you did so anyways, because you needed to clean yourself up. Your eyes were bloodshot, your teeth had scratched your knuckles so badly that it left bruises, your throat was very swollen and the area around your mouth looked absolutely disgusting... you couldn't just walk out of Connie's bathroom looking like a complete wreck, so you figured you'd have to stay in there for a while to calm yourself down and wash up.