why does everyone ignore me now I'm always left on delivered or opened they act like bc I never ask to vent or talk that I'm okay and I can't do this sometimes it's not s joke sometimes I need help there have been so many times where if someone just messaged me back I wouldn't have relapsed I feel so bad I'm like a bomb someone just has to say one thing to set me off and then I relapse either with sh or Ed why am I this way I keep crying and shi but why why have I all the sudden become so emotional I had one breakdown and ever since then I cry everyday and sh almost everyday I either binge or starve I keep excessively exercising but I'm not losing weighty my mom is either nice or a bjtch and it's always somehow my fault I have to have my room clean in an hour otherwise I lose my phone and ps4 and I don't even care anymore it will never be clean I have to work tomorrow early and I don't think I'll alex it on time and on Sunday I have to work again front where there's wasps and I'm scared and Marcus hates me so I'll be out there the entire day I might as well kill myself I always have to help people but they never wanna help me I always go see kaitlynn on my break if I work somewhere else and only once has she come to see me and she stayed for five minutes she doesn't care about me I'm just someone that's there when other people aren't there for them I work outside just for her and she would never do the same she just whines all the time bc oh Marcus must hate her bc she was out there for two hours I don't care anymore I just want someone who actually puts effort into wanting to be my friend kaitlynn just yells at me or ignored me she's barely nice to me I'm trying so hard to be okay and everytime she yells at me to shut up I see myself cutting again but I guess that's my fault I'm addicted to watching myself bleed one day I hope to just bleed out and die I would be so much happier if I was dead I keep lashing out on myself and sometimes I even get mad at taffy but he's just a dog and doesn't know any better so I should yell at him and when I do.i always apologize but he doesn't understand sorry all he knows is I yelled and I'm such a bad person. and I just want to talk to people but that's my fault bc I never try to tall to people like everyday I just need to vent but the only.perosm I talk to daily is kaitlynn and she has to much going on I wouldn't even have time to vent and everyone always has so much going on and everyone is always going through something that I just feel bad if I need to vent I don't have it as bad as everyone else and I'm just a bad person
