looks | k.nj

⇢ ˗ˏˋ two- ˊˎ

she walked to her apartment, cigarette in hand. she smoked, but no one knew. she does it when she feels really small. she knows smoking is bad for her but she liked it. she liked killing herself. she always wanted to be diseased, to suffer from an illness so she could die faster. but she didn't have any of those. she hated that she was healthy. healthy but ugly. she often questions herself. if i really want to die, why don't I just do it myself?

she didn't have it in her. 

she still had things she liked, people she loved. she wasn't completely miserable. she has her sister, she has music. she lives for the pretty sunsets, the cold breeze, and the silence. 

she reached home. kicking her shoes off, putting her bag down. she immediately went to her bathroom and filled the tub up. she lit up nice-smelling candles and threw a bath bomb in the tub. she turned the lights off and played her favorite playlist. after stripping off her clothes, she went in. she did this three times max in a week. her life's highlight. where she could be herself and not get judged. she was naked, no make-up, no mask, nothing. but nobody said anything about it. because she was alone and she loved it.