If only

Reality

Lan zhan shook his eyes open and look around. Ah... It's just a dream. He's safe ,he's safe right?  Together with his wei ying? 

He stood up to his bed and noticed something beside him. It was a peony flower not only just a peony flower.... It's wei ying's flower. Why does he have it?  Ah that's right it was the time when wei ying went to the Phoenix mountains to hunt together with his clan members.  It's was very happy day for lan zhan cause that was the time when he took wei ying's first kiss.

Wait........ Why is he thinking about this??  He shouldn't think about wei ying. How can't he not think of wei ying when wei ying is the love of his life. It's been.... 21 years. 21 years ever since he got separated from wei ying and never came back. Well he did but there's something up......

Lan zhan wanted to cry but he can't. He can't do it not when a child was sleeping next to his room. He can't help but to remember everything that happened between them. The war broke off,  wei ying was blamed for everything he was dead for 16 years and lan zhan waited for him. He came back to death, he fixed all the problems and now wei ying's name was cleared. What could possibly go wrong? 

That's where things goes worse. They did spend with each other for 6 months but one day..... Wei ying... Found a woman. He fell in love with her. Wei ying confessed to lan zhan that he was in love with some girl out there.

Can't he remember what lan zhan said to him to the cave in nightless city?  The answer is no wei ying can't remember everything because of the trauma after losing his sister and lan zhan alone didn't knew about this. 16 years of mourning and 6 months of heaven. Does this have enough to lan zhan?  No it's not.

A cry of a baby was heard when he went to check and calm it down. He look at the baby and wanted to cry again. Yes it's been 16 years and he mourned for wei ying, after wei ying got married to that girl. He was forced to a wedding let alone that he was so drunk that night and accidentally impregnate a woman on a tea house.

To others the woman was lucky to be married with hanguangjun but for lan zhan..... What he have done?  For within a year the woman he impregnate died due to giving birth to his heir though he have already am heir. It was his first son, the son that wei ying also took care of, wen yuan no lan yuan courtesy of shizui. 

He can't accept everything that happened for the remaining past 5 years. That he also named the kid wangxian, together with the song that he composed for wei ying. His second son grew up with out knowing his mother and was only take care by his father.  Everyone in the cloud recess was captivated by his son's beauty that was inherited from his father lan zhan. But lan xichen knew that his brother wasn't that happy because of wei ying.  For lan xichen he was mad at wei ying. He was very mad that he can't forgive him for everything that his brother did to him. He was a fool, he was stupid for not telling wei ying what his brother felt for him. What if he did?  What will happen? Will be his brother happy to the fact that he might beam in happiness?  It was his fault for that.

Every afternoon when the sun goes down lan zhan would spend his time in the back hill with the rabbits and the rabbits that wei ying gave him. And gis second son would go there to comfort him. He wasn't mad for the kid. He was mad for his self that he didn't told wei ying what he felt. What he needed. What he likes and now what happened to him.... Nothing...he was stuck in cloud recess teaching the disciples, raising a kid, and being a chief cultivator.  He was really mad and sad for his self.