Hold Me Tighter

Chap. 5

Uh..Cai has a panic attack in this.. and like it could be triggering but I don't think I'm that good at writing...but it would be shitty if it did trigger someone so- this is a warning.

It was now Friday, the day before. I'd been instructed to go and collect a couple students from their maths class whom had been doing exceptionally well in English. All I had to do was deliver them to the head of the department and I didn't have to worry past that.

These children weren't even one of my class. It seemed like just a small favour for the head of English, easy peasy nothing to worry about.

I knock on the door, I'm welcomed in by a familiar voice. Amelia Lo, this was her classroom. "Sir?" She questioned, as I had just been stood, "Oh I need Lucas and Becca, they will probably need their stuff as it's not long before the end of lesson." I explained and quickly ushered the kids out and where they needed to go.

I went into the staff bathroom in the English block and slid down against the wall. Something about her just made me so uncomfortable. The way her eyes looked right through me, how it felt like she just wanted to ruin my life again. The guilt I felt if I had ruined hers, like this was all just a plan for revenge.

To ruin the happy life I had found with Bee. It felt like the weight of all of the stress was suffocating me. Like I was breathing too much but not enough. The bell went of for the start of lunch, and it hurt my ears. The bathroom felt too big and like there were cameras in every corner of it.

Adrenaline rushed through my body, it's only escape being through floods of tears. Gentle whimpers were muffled by the sleeves of my shirt. Memories of when Amelia had snapped and screamed at me echoed loud in my head as I heard a knock on the door. Gentle, but it caught me off guard.

I held my hand over my mouth and painfully tried to compose myself. "Cai?" Bee's voice came from the other side. It became nearly impossible to hold back the tears. The door opened, I hadn't even remembered to lock it.

He opened it slowly, as I started to lose control of my brain again. once he had enough of a gap that he could get through, he quickly locked it and got down on the floor with me. His warm arms wrapped me in a protective cage as I broke into his shoulder. There was no hope trying to keep composed now, but it was okay because I was safe now.

He held me, reassuring me until I calmed down a while later and pulled away. he handed me some tissues to wipe away the tears and clean myself up. I was still sniffling but I was mostly composed now. "I came to find you so we could eat lunch together, someone said they saw you come in here and I could hear you." He explained, brushing messy strands of hair out of my eyes.

"I got your new shirt wet.." I mumbled, my voice breaking a little. "it'll dry." he pulled me back into a hug and kissed my forehead. "You're okay, I promise. Do you wanna explain what happened?" He asked, knowing I don't always want to. I shook my head, "maybe later." I sighed, nuzzling into his chest.

A couple hours later, we were in the car headed home. "I had to get kids from Amelia's class, and she looked at me but it felt weird and then I just freaked out about it.." I sighed shamefully. "That's okay, that's a valid thing to get upset about given your history, especially when it's quite a stressful time for you right now." He reassured me as much as he could. "Thank you."

All went well that night, we had dinner and went to bed in his room.

But at 2am, a dream of the days events drifted into my head. But it was much worse and my previous fears rang true.

I jolted awake, shaking a little and breathing heavily. I saw Bee laying beside me and lifted his arms to wrap around me. This woke him up slightly, and he pulled me in, resting his chin on my head. He mumbled incomprehensible things before settling back down again.

I couldn't sleep for another hour, but at least I felt safer.

tomorrow would be something.