HATE GROWS

CHAPTER-6

Holding on by letting go

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Healing is a beautiful conveyance of light for the humans. There are negative definitions around this process but in actuality, Jaemin noticed himself forgiving more and hurting less.

It is commonly said that "time will heal you" but isn't it the effort to move on that really counts? Time...did nothing. It just flows, whereas the effort to mature and forgive outgrows the depth of hurtfulness.

Quite honestly, it hurts.
It hurts knowing that the one you love is hurting because of you. This mutual feeling is so heartbreaking that Jaemin felt his chest ache everything he recalls about their past.

Bottled up feelings, the will to relive the filtered good memories and the wish to live warmly under the blue sky. All become so clear yet so blur.

Three months, the time has been three month that Jaemin focuses on his healing. Time flows slowly, slower than what he expected.

Throughout the healing process,

There are days where he wishes to embrace the man his heart cries for. He vividly remembers the torn face in tears as his mouth begged for him not to go.

There are weeks where Jaemin recalls the pinkish cold lips that often hurt him but also gave him the warmest kisses and giggles. The most addictive features he misses the most is the smile the man gave him until his eyes turn into crescent moons. The loving eye smiles that were so distant but felt so close.

Some days, Jaemin wants to cherish his face and sprinkle around in sweet kisses. Most days, Jaemin misses the embrace he would give him at nights. Although thoses sweetness were as rare as finding crystals in deserts,Jaemin was so addicted to them.

Regardless, Jaemin still believes that he made a good decision. As much as loves Jeno, he loves himself as well. He couldn't have a heart to be self-less after all the experiences he had dealt with. All he had was himself and he didn't have the courage to disrespect himself by easily going into the embrace of the man who hurt him so badly.

He forgave Jeno.

He has forgiven him since he left him.
No, even before he left him.

There was no way he would hold onto and dwell in past when he absolutely believes he hasn't even live life fully yet.

Therefore, moving on is the best decision he could make for himself.

However, some broken pieces are still craving for a touch of love to fully heal. And Jaemin hopes he could ignore it forever.

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A simple family dinner is something Jaemin genuinely enjoys. After all the choas that was unwillingly invited in his life, Jaemin becomes to appreciate the simpleness in his every day life.

Living in Osaka,Japan for a few months, he has realised how the change in the environment helps so much in easing his mind.

His family is safe and sound with him. His mom and dad are both healthy and happy although Jaemin's dad often let guilt consumes his days and nights.