Why me?

09 | ♛

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I got up from the comfort of my warmer-than-usual bed, my feet curling at how cold the floor was. My hand reached out to close the rusted and creaking window that would never shut especially when he who shall not be named was present. The rusted handle gave me a rush of nostalgia, with all the bad feelings I had associated with this house, there were equally as good ones.

My head turned to the one person who seemed to be present for it all, his legs and arms sprawled and hanging off my twin-size bed, a smile crawled on my face as he let out soft snores, knowing he'd sleep for days if he could. The window suddenly slammed shut bringing me back to earth, and in the glass pane, I could see the reflection of my curls all tangled and knotted, my old and threadbare comforter wrapped loosely around me,  that same smile slowly slipped from my face.

The birds chirped as the world began to wake, but I couldn't crawl there, no matter how warm or safe, because I knew it wasn't mine.

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"Gwendolyn sweetie?" I lifted my head at the sound of my Spanish teacher's voice, her eyes had this look of sorrow. I wondered what had upset her, she seemed like her usual sunny self earlier.

I answered with a soft yes, "Can we step out for a second, I'd like to have a chat" My mind was racing thinking about what I may have done to warrant a private talk.

My mind immediately went to the last paper we had given in, my hands curled into fists as I remembered Hannah pleading for me to help her, and when I had said no she threatened to make my life a hell, it wasn't like a had much going for me anyways, I had no friends, half a family and no way out of this godforsaken town.

I loud giggling sound took my attention from Mrs Martinez and drew me to the back of the class where Hannah Freeman sat with her closest confidants, right next to her was him of course.

I hate how I couldn't help but stare, but gawk at him, with his perfect girlfriend and his perfect friends who all worshipped him. I must have been staring for far too long because for the first time in months, he looked back at me, and his eyes met mine for just a few seconds before he looked at Hannah and kissed her.

The first bit of acknowledgment since the New Year. I yanked myself from that corner of my mind that he occupied so much of.

I followed her out the door and into the empty hall, the next few words that would leave her ruby-red lips would almost bring me to my knees. "Gwen the schools just heard, that your dear mother had passed away earlier this morning." I stood there for what felt like an eternity, frozen trying to piece together what she was saying, my head felt hot and my chest felt tight.

Her lips kept moving like in those old silent black-and-white films, but I swear I couldn't hear a single word, I knew it wasn't something I was willing to listen to.

I pivoted around and marched straight through the classroom doors, my feet moved but my mind stayed stagnant. My curls fell in front of my face like a curtain call, giving me some semblance of privacy so I could let the tears fall.

One of the straps from my backpack was caught under another student's chair. I yanked on it a few times, then my frustrations got the better of me and I screamed at the student to get up in a burst of rage, something I regretted immediately. I meekly apologized and ran for the door tears already soaking the collar of my shirt.

I hadn't made it very far before a hand grasped mine, my fingers brushed over a familiar scar. and that's when something in me broke, the ache left me feeling weightless.

Then he said something I hadn't heard anyone ask me in a long time,

"Gwenny, are you okay?"

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