Deep End

Chapter two

My face felt slimier and wetter than it has for a few nights. And my insides have gone in seconds from the heaving, horrible, panicky and bloody mess of anxiety and depression to this calm, sad emptiness. Not detached or numb exactly. More like I've aged more in the past three seconds than I've done for the past sixteen years.
Around me the ebony garden and the rest of the city beyond walls that surround it continued to make nighttime noises. I breath in, the sound shadowed with the amount of tears I've just shed, then exhale shakily.
It had been a long day.
After Jessica found me, I changed back into a more Arminese-looking outfit and went with her back to the Armini city. She'd done most of the talking as we took the bus to that one bus stop on the side of the highway nobody goes off besides for the Arminese, and she talked all the way through our walk down the grass beside the highway, where a path from years of foot traffic was carved. She talked while we climbed the highway tunnel that brought us to the government-looking building with tall gates on some private exit, while we went through, and all the way until we each sat in our own chutes, our feet dangling over the part that darkened into the ground.
The chutes are separate, like a water slide without the water, the type that twists outside of the building and gets darker and faster the further you go.
Jessica at last had said, "see you on the other side!" And swung down her chute. I'd waited a moment before saying "doubt it," and switching the destination of the ride. I'd ended up in the Ebony Garden, one of the many reservable rooms in the city that were amazing for crying in.
Now I didn't want to leave.
As calm as I felt, facing the Armani people all around me, with their baggy clothes and small black bras under leather jackets and tee shirts and baggy shorts. I didn't want to face how different I was than them all.
But I didn't have a choice.
I was no longer out of city limits, so my phone would be online again and I wouldn't be in as much trouble as I would have if I'd have chose to have my breakdown outside of the Armani city, but each second that passed was another to explain and already the calm feeling that escorted the tears out from my eyes was leaving, being replaced by dread.
I left the Ebony Garden, emerging into a street crowded with people who look just like me but couldn't be more different.
Each street in the city has a different sleep preference, and this one was a night owl one, with all the lights on and all the stores open and all the smiles still vibrant and unfaltering.
I used to wish that we lived on a night owl street, but was grateful when my street was silent as death and dark enough to allow my calm face to unclench.
The lights were still on in our house, though dimmed because it was past 10:00. It was a beautiful, futuristicly modern ranch that stretched and soared in rigid slopes and lines. It was home. I walked up the path, pausing a moment before entering.
On a night like this, it was also terrifying.