Goodbye

Dan's Point of View

When I was younger I thought my life was a story, and I was the protagonist. My parents always taught me that the world wasn't my story. All the tears that I cried wouldn't even make up a sea like they did in fairy tales.

I just want someone to tell me how I'll be known, to tell me who will notice me. I have my YouTube channel, people notice me there, but they don't know the real me. They know Danisnotonfire, not Dan Howell. They know the façade.

I never really wanted my channel to become big, never really wanted to have all these people speaking about me and pretending they knew the real me. When we're dead we're all the same, subscribers don't matter when you're buried six feet under ground.

I feel like human mortality is just someone higher up than us testing out memory, seeing if we'll even think about someone when their short and meaningless life comes to an end. Of course everyone fails this test. Dead and forgotten. I don't want to end up like that, but I will be. I'll be forgotten in time, no matter how hard I try. I know I'll be a wasted life.

When I go will I be loved? Will anyone care that I'm not with them anymore? Phil will care. I know he will. Is it selfish for me to take myself away from him? No. I don't think it is. Phil has a place in this world, with his kindhearted personality and ability to look on the bright side of anything. I'm just a waste of space.

Wake me up when I have the courage to die, I'm too scared to try and die.