When I was much younger, I would often daydream about growing up. How I could stay up late all I'd want, eat the foods I like, go outside without being told I couldn't, and many more reasons. I remember watching television with my older sister and being overjoyed by the mere thought of our favourite show coming on, "Spiderman and his Amazing Friends." We would laugh at some episodes, bicker over others. Nevertheless, we were thrilled to catch an airing of a new episode. I remember our mother and stepfather's voices from the other room, "Hey, keep it down over there!" We would get lost in our own world. Our parents were not the best of them all, but I am grateful for the ones I was blessed with.
Time came crashing down on us and sooner than later our parents parted ways. Divorcing my older sister and me from each other's company. She would follow our father and I was held back by my mother. Forced to watch as she stepped into the back of father's car, where I'd last caught her eye whilst she'd caught my breath. My heart sank into my stomach with each beat becoming more shallow than the last. I would not cry, my mother's voice echoed in my ear. "If you are going to cry, I will give you a reason to cry." My ears will forever have the shriek of mother's voice cauterized to them. Images of being beaten and yelled at by her played like a silent film… My older sister would be there moments after to comfort me. As the sun rose and warmed the earth, she too rose and warmed my soul.
We stayed in touch for quite some time, my older sister and I. She would tell me about her day and, in turn, I did too. She would often put my mind at ease. I'm not the best when it comes to helping others as well as my older sister, but for her I would always try regardless. We'd watch our show together with our chatter over the telephone. In those moments, I'd remember how we often pushed each other around in front of the television trying to get the best view. Only for me to end up on her lap with her hands on my shoulders.
Living with my mother was not so bad, at least I'd tell myself that a lot. I'd still get beaten and yelled at, but those nights I got to spend with my older sister was the mercy I looked forward to. I would go to the library on the weekends as ordered by my mother so that I may study. No one would talk to me there which was agonizing. A reminder of how alone I was. Surely it was not in my mother's intention to make me feel as such, yet there I was. "If I finish quickly I can get home and watch my favourite show with my older sister on the telephone!" was the only thought that rang in my head the entirety of the time. So, I rushed my studies and ran as fast as my legs could take me back home.
I sat beside the telephone, anxiously waiting for the ring. Five minutes and no ring, but of course, she must be busy. Thirty minutes later and still no ring, I guess she must be out with our stepfather. An hour or so goes by, of course the television program is over but her voice would still be nice to hear. I pass out, falling asleep near the television with the telephone next to me.
After a few weeks with absolutely no contact with my older sister, my life was beyond a hellacious nightmare. I came home from the library with no motivation for my step. As lifeless as I felt, I continued to aimlessly push one foot in front of the other. As I headed home there were police cars parked outside my house. I hurried over to see what the commotion was about. My mother was rough, but not completely inhumane. At least that's what I learned. She stood in front of an officer, crying. The first I'd ever actually seen her cry. Then and there, I knew something was horribly wrong… I would ask her nonstop to tell me what the policemen wanted after they had left, she wouldn't respond.
One night as I got ready for bed and laid back, my mother walked in and pulled the chair from my desk next to my bed. She would then reveal to me that she thinks it's best I know everything. She'd tell me about how my stepfather would come home drunk often and beat her. How she knew it was unfair of her to treat me the way she had, doing it all out of spite for my stepfather and as an outlet. After she explained why he and her had a falling out and went their separate ways, she then tells what the officer told her. How my stepfather came home one night after drinking and caught my older sister in front of the television which must have angered him. How he beat my older sister until she was no longer moving, resisting, nor breathing…
My chest collapsed into itself, my throat was a dust bowl, my heart was in utter anguish. Tears fell from my eyes like shattered glass. My entire being was shaken to its core. My mother for the first time in a long time held me with intent to care, but I just wanted to stop existing right then and there. I could feel a very part of me lost forever, only to be found in the remains of my mind.
My mother was working late and I sat at home alone the day after. Turned on the television and stared at the telephone as I thought "You, you were my amazing friend…" Out of everything I am forgetful of, I will never forget my memory of us…
The End.
